Love and Logic Resource Links for Parents

Here is a brief article from our Counseling Corner that gives parents some resources and tools from Love and Logic, a great resource for parents and anyone who works with kids.

Have things been a little chaotic lately?   Looking for a few new tools to add to your parenting toolbox?

Perhaps you will find exactly what you need with Love and Logic.   Love and Logic provides strategies to help raise self-confident, happier, responsible, and motivated children while making parenting fun and rewarding.

Sound too good to be true? Check out https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/parents

This website is full of articles, video samples, and resources to get you on your way.

For frequently asked questions check out https://www.loveandlogic.com/faq

Love and Logic does offer online classes (https://www.loveandlogic.com/love-and-logic-parenting-on-line) and many short video clips can be found on Youtube.

Great Links for Parents when it Comes to ESDs (Electronic Smoking Devices)

  Instead of making a variety of posts on our Counseling Facebook page, I figured it would be easier to put all the links in one blog post. Thank you to ISTEP (Iowa Students for Tobacco Education and Prevention) for all of these links and more in their recent newsletter. Electronic Smoking Devices (ESDs) such as Vapes and JUULs have exploded in use in middle and high schools across the country including our own schools. Some kids don't think it is that big of a deal. But it is. For teens and adolescents, these are not "Smoking Cessation" devices, these devices are designed to encourage students to smoke more and more and even take up smoking cigarettes. The information is there, the research is there, but our kids aren't seeing it, hearing it, and/or believing it. As parents and adults, educating ourselves so we can educate our children is key. With that being said, please take some time to click on these links and review the information.

Infographic on what Juuls are and how they hurt our young people

4 things Parents need to know about Juuls

Another Infographic from the CDC on ESDs such as Juuls

Smoking E-cigarettes Increases Likelihood Adolescents Will Smoke Cigarettes

Why Knowing More About Human Trafficking is Important to Us.....in the Carlisle Community

   Kim Flagor and I attended a workshop on Human Trafficking at our annual counseling conference back in November. We were really moved by the terrible and sad information we learned. It stuck with us. Just this week, I had the chance to go to another presentation on Human Trafficking by a local group that works to help young women get their lives back after being rescued from trafficking. Again....I was deeply moved. Soon, our counseling staff will hear from a third group, this time a group that helps get the message out to our teens and students as to what Human Trafficking is and why it matters to them. In other words, Human Trafficking is a big deal. But why? And why in little ol' Carlisle? Well, here are a few main reasons (in no particular order...they are all important!)



First of all, what is Human Trafficking?
 Human trafficking is modern-day slavery and involves the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial sex act. It also happens to be the 2nd most profitable crime in the world, only trailing drug trafficking (although it could someday overtake that based on the rate it is growing)

 So, now that we know what it is, why does it matter to us?

 1. Iowa has the 5th highest rate of human trafficking in the country. That means only 4 states have a larger trafficking issue than us. This is likely due to the intersection of I35 and I80...too interstate systems that criss-cross the entire country. Our mental health facilities (or lack of) is another key reason. And a final reason is drug trafficking in our state which typically goes hand in hand with human trafficking. Dorothy's House presentation noted that heroin is on a major rise in our state because it is cheap and addictive and this is one of the drugs key to the trafficking issue.

 2. But we are not just talking about our young girls (and often boys as well) being stolen or abducted and taken out of state. Up to 80% of human trafficking is "Familial Trafficking". This means a majority of trafficking of our young people is done by their own family. Their mothers, fathers, step-parents, foster parents, older siblings, etc. They are selling their own child's body multiple times a day for money to pay rent or for a drug habit.

 3. According to Dorothy's House, guess who is the most popular victim to traffic? A 12-14 year old girl that is tall, skinny, and blond and right from the Des Moines area. We aren't talking 18 year olds and 20 year olds. We aren't talking kids from Chicago or LA. We are talking our kids. Our pre-teens and teenagers. As a father of 5....that matters to me!

 4. 1 in 3 teens on the street will be lured by a trafficker within 48 hours. We have runaways in our school district from time to time. It is scary to think of several of these students being approached by a trafficker. Many of these young people who are approached will accept the "help" they get and soon be into a trafficking situation they cannot escape from.

 5. The average age of a child victim in human trafficking and prostitution is 13-14 years old. In our district, we have roughly 300 students at that age level.

 6. Speaking of the average victim....the average victim may be forced to have sex up to 20-48 times a day. Young girls and women who happen to survive and make it out of these situations many times need reconstructive surgery, immediate and long-term mental health therapy, and addiction treatment. Even if everything works extremely well, it is tough for these girls and boys to live a normal life due to the intense and long-term trauma they were surviving through.

 7. Most common way a girl gets into trafficking? They are "boyfriended" in. In other words, a "nice" boy slowly gets to know a girl in that age 11-15 range (sometimes older) and grooms the girl. This is many times done online. The girl thinks the boy is her age or thinks he is really wanting to be a boyfriend. Many times the boy is much older, usually a man well past his teenage years. They arrange a meeting and the rest is a very sad, sad situation. The girls typically never see it coming......

 .....But her friends do. Her family does. Her teachers do. Her neighbors do. If.....if they are involved in her life and being supportive and caring and not letting her get down this path. This is why it matters to us here in little ol' Carlisle. We have a chance to not let our girls and boys be a part of these sick statistics. We have a chance to save the lives of some of our young people. But we must be willing to ask questions and not accept "fine" or "okay" for an answer. We must be on social media and checking on our kids. We must know our kids' friends and who our kids think are their friends. We must get in their business....because their business matters to us because we love them. And we must educate ourselves on this issue which has been around forever, but is rapidly increasing due to social media making it easier to "buy and sell" young people, our transportation system making it easier to traffic young people quickly and easily, and our drug and mental health issues on the rise making young girls and boys more vulnerable to being lured into the world of trafficking. We cannot look the other way because this topic is too gruesome, too ugly, too tough to read and hear about. We must turn towards it and towards the solutions because of these things.


 Please click on some of the links below to learn more. I did not know much about this issue 6-12 months ago, but I am glad I am learning now. As a counselor, I have dealt with many students "talking" to a stranger online and many times the conversations have stopped before it got too far. My worry is what if it didn't. What would happen. I want to educate myself and others so we can all help each other and all watch over each other

The Polaris Project

Recognize the Signs

Iowa Networkd Against Human Trafficking

The Fastest (or Slowest) Three Weeks in a School Year!

         With the Thanksgiving Holiday now officially over and the next holiday break not too far in our future, now is the BEST time to be focused on grades and school work. Even when I taught at the high school, I always thought the time between the two holiday breaks is the most important time for a student’s educational year outside the month of May. At the high school, it is almost the end of the a long semester and a chance to move each grade up just a notch before the all-important semester exams. With our middle school doing trimesters, it isn’t the end of a grading period, but it is right smack in the middle and that is just as important. And with winter sports in full swing and the excitement of the upcoming break and holiday, middle school students don’t always focus so well during this time period. This is why these 3+ weeks are so important. Grades are just starting to come in for the trimester and good grades over this time period can really set them up for a good 2016. By the time we hit the holiday break, our trimester is basically half over and it is much easier to have our hard work show positive results in the first half of the trimester than in the second half of the trimester.  So, while I know times are busy and hectic and there is a lot going on not only in the lives of our students, but in the lives of their families as well, please take some time each day to discuss the school day and keep the focus on your child’s education. 

Did you know?? We now have more “days off” than “days of school” left before January 4^th.  Want to know the math? We have 17 days left of school in 2015, but if you count weekends and our entire Winter Break, we have 18 days of break. So….just another reason to work hard every day….your child gets plenty of time to rest and relax in the upcoming month!

Other tips to keep your child focused during this time.....

*Have a routine. Pick a time and place each night to do homework or simply check to make sure homework is done. Be a part of this process. Don't just send your child to their room for an hour, make homework an activity that you are involved with and help where you can. If your child says they have "no homework", have a discussion about their day and look up their grades together on Infinite Campus to review how they have done.

*Use "Growth Mindset" vocabulary with your child. Your child will be hearing about Growth Mindsets during Advisory this month and learning that failure and mistakes are okay, the goal is to learn from these. Don't praise your child on their outcomes, but on their process. Say things like "I like how hard you worked on your homework!" or "Keep practicing, keep trying. Effort is the key." or "Our goal is to do better than the last assignment....not perfection." Growth Mindsets and the language of growth mindsets have been proven to keep students motivated, on-task, and wanting to do more and to keep trying on their work.

*Small and frequent rewards. Find some little things you can do with your child, for your child, or possibly even get for your child for little rewards along the way. This could be extra technology time, game activities, their favorite snack or dinner, or even some items from the dollar bin at Target or the dollar store. Doesn't have to be much, but little fun things to reward their focus and hard work. Make learning and focus fun!

*Calendar/Chart. I am not a big fan of "Countdown Charts", but these can work and can keep your child motivated. It might help them keep track of their busy schedule both at school and outside of school. Middle School students like routine and like to know what is coming next, so a calendar or chart can really help.

*Be supportive. Even if you don't do any of the things listed above, being supportive is so important. Your child thrives on positive energy and feedback. While the holidays can bring stress, this stress gets easily transferred onto your child if they sense that you are stressed. It is what makes middle school so interesting....students feed off of the emotions of others. Your child feeds off of your emotion, so stay calm and be supportive and you will be amazed at how this can change the attitude of your child.

  Good luck and let me know if I can be of any help in this process. Have a great December!!

Breaking the Technology Addiction.....How??

     I will be the first to admit it, I might be addicted to technology. This coming from a guy who once said he would never own a cell phone and only finally agreed to get a phone (but not use it!) because his pregnant wife said he needed one  just in case she went into labor. Fast-forward 10 years and 5 kids later, and I have my cell phone by me 24 hours a day. But what really worries me is when my 5-year old son says his best friend is "the IPad" and when asked what he is thankful for, his answer is "IPad!". Um...we have a problem. Fortunately, all problems can be solved or at least worked on. And fortunately, a radio DJ this weekend had several solutions we, as parents, can try. So, if your kids are like mine (or better or worse), here is a list of things you can try.

1. Sit down and have a conversation with them about technology use. And write up some expectations (rules, contract....whatever you want to call it). This doesn't make you bad parents for not laying down the law. Kids will buy into the expectations more if they have some input. They may surprise you with what their limits should be. This conversation should include all types of technology, not just phones or IPads, but game systems, E-readers, etc. But get the expectations in writing so everyone can agree upon it and review it from time to time and maybe update it.

2. Create Tech-Free zones. The dinner table, after 9 p.m., during homework time, church, etc. This can be part of your family discussion. But technology should not interrupt family time or other important times. As for late night technology use, screens are not good just before bedtime. It affects all of us and our ability to fall asleep quickly and have good, sound sleep. Pre-teens and teens don't really need technology in their room, but if they do, make sure it isn't keeping them up at night. Believe it or not, I have several students who wake up in the middle of the night (some even set their alarms!) and play on their phones or watch Netflix from 2-5 a.m.!! Technology is supposed to be useful and fun, not limit our family time or hurt our bodies. These Tech-Free zones might help us all get our families, and our sleep, back!

3. Discuss what Technology we are all using and why? Reading a book on an E-Reader or playing Cool Math Games online....not a bad choice for technology. Playing Call of Duty and killing video-humans or zombies for hours on end....probably not the best choice. Playing candy crush on a smart phone all through dinner versus texting back and forth with a friend who just moved away and had a rough first day at his new school.....pretty easy choice as to which is good and which is bad. Again, technology is meant to help us, not make us into mindless drones. It is no secret that the most popular games have endless levels and give extra lives and powerups. Remember the good ol' days when you have 3 PacMan lives and if you died 3 times you went back to your seat at Pizza Hut and enjoyed your family and good pizza. Well, technology creators have solved this problem by making sure kids and teens can play over and over and over and never quit if they want. A little mindless fun is okay every now and then, but if it is consuming their time and causing other things to not get done (homework, chores), then it is a problem. Not to mention what games, apps, social networking sites are appropriate vs. non-appropriate for certain ages.

4. Be there with your child when they are using technology as much as possible. Not only can you monitor their time, but you can monitor what they are doing with that time. Safe and appropriate use is key as they are learning and consuming technology. We wouldn't let our children drive a car without going through many steps and having us along their side and we wouldn't allow them to work a job without some training and a boss and co-workers supporting their learning, so why would we let them use technology without our help, support, and monitoring?

5. Last, but not least.....reflect on your technology use. I will admit it, my kids use technology a lot because I do. But I am getting better at modeling how I use technology so my kids see this and hopefully follow my lead. This means no phone or tablet at the dinner table, no texting and driving, no violent or pointless video games, and other expectations I want my kids to follow. I do have the urge to do these things sometimes, but I push that urge aside not just for me, but for my kids. Learning by example and observation is what kids do best, so no matter what rules and things you try to do, if you can't stick to them, your kids likely will not be able to either.

   I will leave you with this video which I have seen before, but I saw it on a few sites as I researched for this blog. It is a good reminder why we should not be glued to our screens.

8th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall 2015 Survey

Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!

7th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey

    Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!

6th Grade Needs Assessment

Students, please take the following survey by clicking "Agree" or "Disagree" for each statement. If you need help in an area, click "Agree". That help may be by offering you an invite to a group that will be working with that topic, inviting you in to speak with a counselor about the issue, or by sending you information about that topic. Either way, we want to know what our students need help with. You answers will be kept confidential with only the counselors knowing what you personally marked for answers. We will collect class data to provide to your teachers, but will not use individual names. Thank you for taking the time to do this survey and please stop in our office if you ever need help with anything!!

6th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall 2015 Survey

  Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!

Carlisle Continues School-Based Therapy Program for 2015-16

     Adrienne Latoure started the school year as our district’s School-Based Licensed Mental Health Therapist. Her position will allow for students to meet with a therapist on school grounds and provide extra support for our students and families in need. Counselors will be contacting parents and making referrals for students they feel can benefit from meeting with a therapist if they are not currently meeting with a therapist outside of our school system. Parents can also contact their child’s school counselor if they feel their child could benefit from this service. Carlisle counselors are excited to partner with Adrienne to better serve the socioemotional needs of our students. Please contact the schoolcounselor in your child’s building if you have questions. Thank you!

Carlisle Community School Counselors & Interventionist

Leah Heidemann & Traci Lee (High School)  989-0831

Ben Barry & Kim Flagor (Middle School)  989-0833

Kim Flagor (Hartford)  989-0316

Jane Phillips & Matt Berryhill (Elementary) 989-0339

If You Do Five Things with your Child: Talking with Your Child about Depression and Suicide

   

   This is some advice I have used before with parents and groups that I have spoken to when it comes to dealing with teens and/or your own children and the issue of self-harm and suicide.


1.  Communicate with your child and build a relationship of trust that will allow them to openly come to you when they are having depressive or suicidal thoughts and feelings. 

2.     Do not judge. Do not get mad. A local college student who travels around talking to young people told us at a workshop that the turning point in his life was when his mom walked in while he was cutting and she did not get angry. She took the razor and said “You need help. I am here to help. I love you. Now….let’s go get help.”. Saved his life, changed his life.

3.       Watch for signs of depression.  And address it when you see it. Mental health “injuries” and “sickness” are just like physical injuries and sickness. Seek medical help and support.

4.       Get other eyes on your child. You can’t watch them all of the time, but let their coach, counselor, principal, teacher know. And partner with these people.

5.       Love.  Sounds so simple, but love with your words. Love with your actions. Love with your closeness, your hugs, your touch.

Welcome to Middle School! Now What?

 After reading this great advice post at the Parent Tool-kit website, I wanted to quickly post a little top 10 list of Middle School Parent Advice. I am doing this a little selfishly as I am now just one year away from having my first-born become a middle school child and have four more children who will hit middle school (and their teenage years) in the years following. So, I need to prepare just as much as all of you. So here goes....

1. Ask for help when you need it. Whether it be from another parent, a teacher, the principal, the counselor, your child's friend, or even your child....ask! Parents cannot single-handily raise a middle school child, I think it might be impossible! The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I think was specifically said about middle school children! Biologically, their brains are starting to tell them to be less dependent on their parents, but they still listen to adults...just not always their parents. So, please, ask for help when in need.

2. Good days, bad days. No matter what your child is like now, they will have good days and they will have some really bad days. And in many cases, there is not a whole lot of difference in what happened, just how they perceive what happened. It depends on their brain chemicals and hormones and how they are working that particular day. Just listen, be understanding,  and try to help where you can. But listening is the most important.

3. Homework and school work. Have them do SOMETHING school related each night, even if for only 15 minutes. Study some flashcards, quiz them on their math, ask them to show you something they learned. Look online to find out when their next test is and start studying for the test. Set goals. Something! And if they get behind, get a hold of the teacher and set up a plan to catch up. Set some goals....and get caught up!

4. Oh...set goals! So your new middle school child wants to be independent huh? Fine...have them set goals and make a plan to achieve these goals. Grade goals, fitness goals, sports goals, saving money goal, hobby goals, even video game goals! The process of setting a goal and working for it is what matters. You can eventually use this as a way to get them thinking much further into their future goals: College, career, life plans.

5. Careers...start thinking about them. They do not need to decide on a career during middle school, but this is when they can really start dreaming of this career and you can start helping them understand what it takes to get to that career. They are never too young to research and job shadow possible careers.

6. Friends. I am going to cheat and simply agree with what the parent tool-kit blog post said. Your middle school child needs multiple groups of friends. As a counselor there is one thing I can guarantee you: Your child will have a major breakdown with their friends and that breakdown could last a day, a week, or even the rest of the year. When that happens to a child who had no other groups of friends, that is painful to watch. They are completely isolated and alone. But when it happens to a child who can go to another group of friends for support, the pain can be greatly lessened. Plus, it is just plain healthy to have a variety of friends and will help your child in the long run. How to do this? Have your child get involved, have them play with friends after school, have different friends over at different times. And of course, get to know all of their friends...and their families.

7. Technology and their online world. Most (not all) kids are using technology and many are online. I cannot stress enough that this is not the place to give them total independence. It is simply too dangerous. And I don't just mean online predators and sexting, I also mean innappropriate emails, misunderstood texts and cyberbullying, and viewing explicit sites on the Internet. I have had students tell me they have two accounts for each social network, one their parent knows about and follows and one they don't. I have students saying they know how to delete texts before parents see them and have found sites where they can harrass and bully others anonymously and do not see what is wrong with this. With all of this said, I am a big supporter of technology, but cannot stress enough how much you need to have open communication with your child and need to speak with them often about their technology use.

8. Open Communication. The three years of middle school might be the toughest and strangest three years of life your child goes through. They need someone they can talk to and someone they can trust. Parents are the best choice for this but trust and openness has to be established. Remember, their brains are telling them to get away and be independent, but they have so many issues and questions that need help at the same time. Don't accept "I'm okay", "Nothing.", and "I'm fine." for an answer. Get your child talking and earn that trust. You will be amazed at how great these "difficult" conversations actually are. And your relationship will become even better.

9. Beware of mental health issues. Mental health issues (if they are going to occur) usually begin with the onset of puberty. Depression, anxiety, OCD, suicidal thoughts, etc. Middle schools are seeing more and more mental health issues for a variety of reasons, one of which is that puberty is occurring earlier and earlier over the decades and this is bringing mental health issues into the age range of 10-14. So just like our teachers are learning more and more about the warning signs and symptoms of mental health issues, parents should too. And please remember....a mental health illness is just like a physical illness. It needs medical attention and CAN be cured or treated. Don't ignore it, help your child work through it and get them better.

10. Have fun. Seems weird to think about "fun" after all of these stressful items. But any middle school teacher will tell you that the reason he/she loves teaching middle school is because these kids are "fun". They really are. They will test you and they will think they hate you at times, but even in those moments you have to sit back and laugh (after they have gone to sleep or left for a friend's house) and realize that the middle school human child is a really fun species and one that you will want to spend time with and get to know and have fun with. This stage is really the last stage where your child is still a "child", so enjoy it and enjoy the ride!

   I am excited for another year of middle school and meeting all of the new students and working with all of the returning students again. And I definitely plan to have fun as well. I hope you do too!

New Study Shows Impact of Violent Video Games Lasts for Years

First off, here is the link to the KCCI story about a new Iowa State University study talking about the impact of violent video games:

     Study: Impact of Violent Video Games Lasts for Years

  As I read the article, I didn't hear anything really new to me, just another new study that is showing the same thing other studies have: Violent video games can and do have effects on young people. Most of these studies are new because the realistic violence of today's video games is still very new. We are just now learning the true effects of long-term exposure to these games. These are not the games we grew up with. As a student of mine said, "When I play these games, I get lost in them. They are so real. I play them so long that even when I take a break, I sometimes can't tell what is real and what isn't". Trust me....that didn't happen when we played Pac-Man, Contra, or Double Dragon growing up!

  But the part that stuck with me after reading this article were the comments. I thought I would read a lot of parent support and a call to action. Instead, comment after comment (article is pretty new, so comments can change) talks about how the study has to be false and violent video games are okay because we all grew up with them. That got me thinking and thinking more and getting a little defensive. Normally internet comments don't get to me, but the comments simply weren't understanding the big picture. So I decided I would post a blog about my thoughts and try to counter the comments left on the article in hopes that parents, and hopefully even teens, can see why we need to listen to experts and even when we disagree, take a moment to think: If there is even a chance that this could negatively affect my child and it isn't required for my child to live....does he/she really need it?  So....here I go.....

Comment #1: "Just another study": The study was done by Iowa State University and the topic was video games. Iowa State University invented the computer and is still a leader in computer science. They also have a pretty amazing virtual reality program. And they are a major research university. In other words....this isn't just another study. Also, they followed 3000 kids (that is 3000!) for 3 years. They didn't let 10 kids play Black Ops for a Day and then try to pick a fight with them and see how they reacted. They followed these kids for over 1000 days and continued to test them all through the study. This isn't just another study. And even if it was....it is another study among many recent studies that are learning that the brain can easily be affected by any sort of negative media.

Comment #2: "Isn't this just like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians like we used to play". Simple answer? No. I admit, when I was little, I played these games and enjoyed them. I enjoyed "killing" my brother or capturing him and taking him to jail. But I played them for 20 minutes at a time and it was my brother....someone I loved (most of the time). A typical middle school or high school student will play Black Ops or Grand Theft Auto for 3-4 hours at a time without moving their body. The only body part really doing work are the eyes and brain. And they are really working....recording all of the media put in front and processing each and every step and reaction. And these young people are playing their "enemy" which is sometimes the system itself, sometimes a friend, and many times a random person online. And their goal is not just to kill or capture their enemy, their goal is to kill them over and over in the most creative way possible. The students I talk to talk about how they love the blood spatter on their screen and love "trash talking" their opponent even though they admit that they often swear while playing this game because "that is just what you do in these games...you say vulgar stuff to the person you are beating". That does not sound like a game of brother vs brother Cops and Robbers to me. And remember the goal of Cops and Robbers? Not to get caught...run from your enemy. In other words....avoid conflict. The goal in violent video games? Score points, get kills. The more kills you get and the more creative you kill someone? The more points you get. Think about that idea......the more violence you cause and create, the more rewards you get. Ever hear of "leveling up"? This is the ultimate thing for a young person to do in a video game. In our day and age...this would be like getting a raise in your allowance. How awesome was that day!! But today's kids want to constantly "level up" in their games. And in violent video games, you level up by killing (or sadly in some games by beating women, having sex with prostitutes, or killing cops). So, no, these games are not like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians.

Comment #3: "Have them put down these games and enjoy some family time with UFC fighting, WWE wrestling, Walking Dead, etc.". Since I went a little long on the last comment, I will make this one short. Mainly because it is an easy one. There are other options. There seriously are. We live in a world with over 1000 cable channels, over a million Apps on the AppStore, and cell phones full of pointless, mindless games. If your child has to have a screen in front on them (that is whole other blog.....), there are non-violent options. My kids find them just fine. I love The Walking Dead, but my brain is fully developed and I am prepared for what I see. My kids will be maybe ready for that too....when they are in high school....maybe later.


Comment #4: "This is just like Looney Tunes and dropping anvils on someone's head". Again, no. Looney tunes never used blood. Never. Also, it is "silly violence", not realistic violence. The most popular video games currently are what are known as "realistic violence" games, which are even different than Mortal Kombat that I grew up around. People killing people in bloody ways using real weapons is very different than a road runner dropping an anvil on a coyote or a mouse lighting a cat's tail on fire. Our kids brains are in development, but they are developed enough to tell the difference between those two types of violence. They are not always able to tell the difference between realistic violence and real life though.

Comment #5: "Gamers are not the ones shooting up these places, mentally disturbed people who happened to play games at some point in their life are shooting up these places". Well...not all gamers are shooting places up. In fact, most aren't. But the study didn't say video games cause teens to "shoot places up". It said it increases aggression and influence their future behavior. As mentioned earlier, teen gamers are now learning to not back down but to fight back. They are learning that violence isn't always bad, but many times can be rewarded with power and glory. And yes, without proper adult interaction and instruction, and with a brain that doesn't develop quite like the others, yes they might just be the next shooter. In fact, one of the most common factors in school shootings after mental health issues is exposure to violent video games and media. Several recent shooters even told police that they trained for these events by playing video games such as Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto. But even if you forget about the school shootings, aggression is still the cause of bullying, gang fighting and violence, school fights, and youth violence. And I dislike these just as much as the school shootings.


   I could likely keep typing rebuttals to these comments, but I think you get the point. Good parenting and debriefing with a child after any violence, either video game, media, or real, can limit or even erase these effects. But as a full-time working parent with a wife who works full time as well, we can't debrief with our children all the time. We make the easiest decision of all: we try our best to not expose them to any violent media (not even the news at times) and when we do, we do it with purpose and we talk them through what they just saw. Parenting is tough and technology was supposed to make it easier, but for today's parent, it has actually made it tougher.

  Bottom line is this: If we continue to ask the question "where did we go wrong? Why are our kids bullying each other? Why are kids so mean these days? Why are there so many school shootings and violence in young people?" And when studies come out simply stating that violent video games and violent media biologically can be altering the brain and behavior of our young people and this helps us answer at least a little piece of these complex questions, why do we immediately say "science is dumb, my kid's just fine playing whatever he/she wants."? Sometimes we ask questions we don't want the answers to. The question is....will we change?

Body Image and the Media

In many ways kids today have more than most people could have ever imagined.  They have access to people, programs, and information from all over the world at the push of a button available 24/7. They have more choices:   from what they wear, what music they listen to, activities, who they relate to and spend time with, occupations, where they'll live, what they do on the weekend...the list goes on and on. 

In this time of more, however, there are some distinct drawbacks.  Overload from being connected 24/7, commonplace violence in the news, games, and movies, the need for immediate gratification.  What I'd like to focus on today though, is the bombardment of media and social pressures on our kids to look a certain way. 

Historically speaking, "skinny" wasn't always the sought-after goal.  In earlier centuries, being skinny was a sign that a family did not have enough food or that illness was wide-spread. In the mid 20th century women were marketed with products to make them more curvaceous.  Even as close as 25 years ago, models typically weighed 8% less than the "average" American.  Today, the disparity is 23%.  In fact, only 5% of the population would be able to attain the current media ideal (From "Mirror, Mirror"- Social Issues Research Centre).  And the really sad part is that even those people are photoshopped and airbrushed to look different.

On one hand, kids (and adults) are being shown advertisements that make it seem like eating out, and eating a lot, is the way to go- giant cheeseburgers or super sized fries and big gulps of soda.  It's easy to go through drive through, pick up the processed quick and easy meals at the grocery store, or snack on whatever bag of chips or fast food we can get at our local convenience store. 

On the other hand, we're being shown that to be happy, to fit in, to "make it" in life, we need to be super skinny, have clear skin, perfect teeth, and wear the right clothes.  It's in our tv ads, shows, movies, magazines, advertisements on games, music, and our internet searches.

Just today, I read an article and watched a video about a new app that had been removed from the iTunes and google play called  "Plastic Surgery & Plastic Doctor & Plastic Hospital Office for Barbie."  The problem:  it promoted the notion that women need to be thin and that plastic surgery is the way to achieve that goal.  And add that the app was geared towards kids as young as 9.  You can check out the article and video here.  (I found it interesting that on the page with the article and video there was an article about "how to look as gorgeous as an NFL cheerleader" and an advertisement for the newest diet pill.)

Another video to get you thinking comes from Dove's Campaign for real beauty showing how we describe ourselves versus how others see us...

It made me think about the conflicting messages that our students receive and how many of them take those messages to heart.  It makes me wonder who their role models are? If we've taught them how to distinguish the messages they see and hear to determine what's real?   If we've provided good examples of being loving towards our own bodies?  I certainly like to think so, but I also realize that I am not immune to societal pressures- agonizing over those 5 or 10 pounds I'd like to lose, going to McDonalds because I'm too tired when I get home from work to cook a meal, or complaining about the size of some body part.

I love that there are more and more people everyday making the choice to be a role model for a healthy, whole body and mind.  Check out some videos...

• Here's a great video from a sorority that started a "fat talk free" week back in 2008
• A clip from one of Jennifer Lawrence's interviews
• Dove's Evolution video (using photoshop)
• "She said it" Celebrity quotes

Love your body.  Love your kids. Teach them how to be healthy and happy in their own skins.

Common Sense Media Reviews Two HUGE "Teen" Entertainment Options this Holiday Season

    And guess what?? They are not necessarily appropriate for all teens and young people. If you have not used Common Sense Media, you need to. It is our family's go-to site before we watch a show, go to a movie, or buy a videogame. Even DirecTV now uses Common Sense Media as their source of "parental information". When you watch a show or movie on DirecTV and click on Parental Info, it takes you to the information that Common Sense Media provides. There detailed review gives a much better idea as to what age is the appropriate age to consume the media you are considering. Rated PG? PG-13? R? Doesn't matter. This site combines parent, kid, and expert reviews and gives you an actual age that is appropriate. But it also gives so much more. My favorite part is the question section where if you decide to let your child/teen watch the show or movie, you can help them process and debrief what they just saw. Helping a young person and their developing brain understand what they just saw and why the real world may or may not be just like what they saw is very important. So....long story short, check the site out at www.commonsensemedia.org


   So....what did they say about Hunger Games: Catching Fire? Click here to find out, but here are some of the bullet points:
     *Parents say age 13 is appropriate, kids say age 12 is appropriate

     *It ranks really high in the Positive Messages and Role Models category, but also very high in the violence category

     *While young readers have enjoyed the book series, the website has concerns that the movie violence may be "too dark" for some of the readers of the series.


  And what about Grand Theft Auto V?? Again, click here to find out more, but here are some of the bullet points from their review. Hint....it is totally not appropriate for some teens!
     
      *Parents say age 14 is appropriate, kids say age 15 is appropriate. (Did you catch that?? Kids actually have more concern than parents! That should tell you a lot about this game.)

      *A huge "Not For Kids" tag is all over this review. You don't see that often on this site.

      *It scored a "0" in positive messages and role models, but a 5/5 in Violence, Sex, Drugs, and Language.

      There are some parent questions/talking points a parent could use if they decide to let their child play this game, but you can see from the three bullet points above, no matter what the age, you should proceed with caution if you plan on allowing this game in your home with your children/teens.


   As you hit the Holiday season and decide which games to buy, which movies to take the family too, and which shows to catch on cable, please consider using this website. It is a great resource to families and kids. Happy Holidays!

Personality/Career Interest Inventory Surveys

Students, please click on the link below and take the survey after some instruction from Mr. Barry. When finished with the survey, please print your results page. DO NOT CLOSE OUT YOUR RESULTS PAGE AS WE NEED TO COMPARE PRINT OUTS TO YOUR PAGE TO VERIFY RESULTS!

Take Quiz by Clicking Here!

Once you have the printout, please do the following:

1.Write your name at the top of the page.

2. Click on your favorite job or job that interests you most of your possible careers and read about your career choice.

3. Write down the following items on the back of your sheet:

    a. Median Salary:

    b. Degree needed:

    c. What do they do (list a few items): 

   d. Job Growth %:

   e. 1 Similar Occupation that interests you:

YEAH!! You are done!! Congrats!  But remember, this is just ONE survey and you are still young. This survey is just meant to give you some guidance and some ideas. Some of you may truly end up doing the career you selected, others of you may go a completely different direction and that is okay. Good luck!

8th Grade Student Needs Assessment

 Students, please mark "Agree" or "Disagree" to all of the following questions. Make sure to type your first and last name in the first box. There are many questions and the survey will not let you finish until you answer each question. Mr. Barry will review the responses and attempt to address "Agree" marks throughout the year. Some of these may lead to some group sessions. Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. With so many students and so little time, finding out what each student needs as an individual.

Bullying in Sports: National High School Coaches Convention

I'm excited to have the opportunity to present to coaches from across the country today who have an interest in learning more about bullying and how they can be a big part of the effort to stop bullying before it happens. Here is a version of the powerpoint that I am presenting today. I am not sure if the links work and if the background formatting came through like I hoped, but I may edit it later to fix these. Thank you!

Bullying presentation for National Coaching Convention

View more presentations or Upload your own.

More infographics....This Time on Sleep

Lots of infographics today. Thank you to Larry Ferlazzo and his Websites of the Day for some of these. These two infographics I found on his blog as well and they are good. Simply put, our teens do not get enough sleep. Maybe studying these charts may help them understand the importance of sleep. Hopefully, they are all getting lots of sleep now that summer break is here!

30 Lesser Known Facts About Sleep infographic

Interview Questions and Suggested Answers

For all of my 8th graders out there still looking for a summer job and for any high school students or adults looking for a job and interviewing soon. Here are the most common interview questions and suggested answers. Glad to see much of what I tell my 6th and 8th graders is in this list! Good list to copy and save for when you prepare to interview.