Please take a moment to take the following survey. Do not start the survey until Mr. Barry is done explaining the survey. Thank you and have a great weekend! (Maybe the last warm weekend of 2016!)
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
2016 6th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall Survey
Students, please take a moment to take this very important 10-question survey you see listed below. Thank you!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
8th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall 2015 Survey
Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!
7th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey
Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
6th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall 2015 Survey
Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!
Friday, March 6, 2015
4th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey: Spring 2015
Students, please take time to answer the following 10 questions about your experiences in Hartford Upper Elementary the past 7 school days. Be as honest as possible as the survey is anonymous and the data is extremely important for us to understand what the student experience is like when it comes to bullying and harassment issues. Click Submit when you are finished and begin on today's assignment.
Monday, March 24, 2014
New Study Shows Impact of Violent Video Games Lasts for Years
First off, here is the link to the KCCI story about a new Iowa State University study talking about the impact of violent video games:
Study: Impact of Violent Video Games Lasts for Years
As I read the article, I didn't hear anything really new to me, just another new study that is showing the same thing other studies have: Violent video games can and do have effects on young people. Most of these studies are new because the realistic violence of today's video games is still very new. We are just now learning the true effects of long-term exposure to these games. These are not the games we grew up with. As a student of mine said, "When I play these games, I get lost in them. They are so real. I play them so long that even when I take a break, I sometimes can't tell what is real and what isn't". Trust me....that didn't happen when we played Pac-Man, Contra, or Double Dragon growing up!
But the part that stuck with me after reading this article were the comments. I thought I would read a lot of parent support and a call to action. Instead, comment after comment (article is pretty new, so comments can change) talks about how the study has to be false and violent video games are okay because we all grew up with them. That got me thinking and thinking more and getting a little defensive. Normally internet comments don't get to me, but the comments simply weren't understanding the big picture. So I decided I would post a blog about my thoughts and try to counter the comments left on the article in hopes that parents, and hopefully even teens, can see why we need to listen to experts and even when we disagree, take a moment to think: If there is even a chance that this could negatively affect my child and it isn't required for my child to live....does he/she really need it? So....here I go.....
Comment #1: "Just another study": The study was done by Iowa State University and the topic was video games. Iowa State University invented the computer and is still a leader in computer science. They also have a pretty amazing virtual reality program. And they are a major research university. In other words....this isn't just another study. Also, they followed 3000 kids (that is 3000!) for 3 years. They didn't let 10 kids play Black Ops for a Day and then try to pick a fight with them and see how they reacted. They followed these kids for over 1000 days and continued to test them all through the study. This isn't just another study. And even if it was....it is another study among many recent studies that are learning that the brain can easily be affected by any sort of negative media.
Comment #2: "Isn't this just like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians like we used to play". Simple answer? No. I admit, when I was little, I played these games and enjoyed them. I enjoyed "killing" my brother or capturing him and taking him to jail. But I played them for 20 minutes at a time and it was my brother....someone I loved (most of the time). A typical middle school or high school student will play Black Ops or Grand Theft Auto for 3-4 hours at a time without moving their body. The only body part really doing work are the eyes and brain. And they are really working....recording all of the media put in front and processing each and every step and reaction. And these young people are playing their "enemy" which is sometimes the system itself, sometimes a friend, and many times a random person online. And their goal is not just to kill or capture their enemy, their goal is to kill them over and over in the most creative way possible. The students I talk to talk about how they love the blood spatter on their screen and love "trash talking" their opponent even though they admit that they often swear while playing this game because "that is just what you do in these games...you say vulgar stuff to the person you are beating". That does not sound like a game of brother vs brother Cops and Robbers to me. And remember the goal of Cops and Robbers? Not to get caught...run from your enemy. In other words....avoid conflict. The goal in violent video games? Score points, get kills. The more kills you get and the more creative you kill someone? The more points you get. Think about that idea......the more violence you cause and create, the more rewards you get. Ever hear of "leveling up"? This is the ultimate thing for a young person to do in a video game. In our day and age...this would be like getting a raise in your allowance. How awesome was that day!! But today's kids want to constantly "level up" in their games. And in violent video games, you level up by killing (or sadly in some games by beating women, having sex with prostitutes, or killing cops). So, no, these games are not like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians.
Comment #3: "Have them put down these games and enjoy some family time with UFC fighting, WWE wrestling, Walking Dead, etc.". Since I went a little long on the last comment, I will make this one short. Mainly because it is an easy one. There are other options. There seriously are. We live in a world with over 1000 cable channels, over a million Apps on the AppStore, and cell phones full of pointless, mindless games. If your child has to have a screen in front on them (that is whole other blog.....), there are non-violent options. My kids find them just fine. I love The Walking Dead, but my brain is fully developed and I am prepared for what I see. My kids will be maybe ready for that too....when they are in high school....maybe later.
Comment #4: "This is just like Looney Tunes and dropping anvils on someone's head". Again, no. Looney tunes never used blood. Never. Also, it is "silly violence", not realistic violence. The most popular video games currently are what are known as "realistic violence" games, which are even different than Mortal Kombat that I grew up around. People killing people in bloody ways using real weapons is very different than a road runner dropping an anvil on a coyote or a mouse lighting a cat's tail on fire. Our kids brains are in development, but they are developed enough to tell the difference between those two types of violence. They are not always able to tell the difference between realistic violence and real life though.
Comment #5: "Gamers are not the ones shooting up these places, mentally disturbed people who happened to play games at some point in their life are shooting up these places". Well...not all gamers are shooting places up. In fact, most aren't. But the study didn't say video games cause teens to "shoot places up". It said it increases aggression and influence their future behavior. As mentioned earlier, teen gamers are now learning to not back down but to fight back. They are learning that violence isn't always bad, but many times can be rewarded with power and glory. And yes, without proper adult interaction and instruction, and with a brain that doesn't develop quite like the others, yes they might just be the next shooter. In fact, one of the most common factors in school shootings after mental health issues is exposure to violent video games and media. Several recent shooters even told police that they trained for these events by playing video games such as Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto. But even if you forget about the school shootings, aggression is still the cause of bullying, gang fighting and violence, school fights, and youth violence. And I dislike these just as much as the school shootings.
I could likely keep typing rebuttals to these comments, but I think you get the point. Good parenting and debriefing with a child after any violence, either video game, media, or real, can limit or even erase these effects. But as a full-time working parent with a wife who works full time as well, we can't debrief with our children all the time. We make the easiest decision of all: we try our best to not expose them to any violent media (not even the news at times) and when we do, we do it with purpose and we talk them through what they just saw. Parenting is tough and technology was supposed to make it easier, but for today's parent, it has actually made it tougher.
Bottom line is this: If we continue to ask the question "where did we go wrong? Why are our kids bullying each other? Why are kids so mean these days? Why are there so many school shootings and violence in young people?" And when studies come out simply stating that violent video games and violent media biologically can be altering the brain and behavior of our young people and this helps us answer at least a little piece of these complex questions, why do we immediately say "science is dumb, my kid's just fine playing whatever he/she wants."? Sometimes we ask questions we don't want the answers to. The question is....will we change?
Study: Impact of Violent Video Games Lasts for Years
As I read the article, I didn't hear anything really new to me, just another new study that is showing the same thing other studies have: Violent video games can and do have effects on young people. Most of these studies are new because the realistic violence of today's video games is still very new. We are just now learning the true effects of long-term exposure to these games. These are not the games we grew up with. As a student of mine said, "When I play these games, I get lost in them. They are so real. I play them so long that even when I take a break, I sometimes can't tell what is real and what isn't". Trust me....that didn't happen when we played Pac-Man, Contra, or Double Dragon growing up!
But the part that stuck with me after reading this article were the comments. I thought I would read a lot of parent support and a call to action. Instead, comment after comment (article is pretty new, so comments can change) talks about how the study has to be false and violent video games are okay because we all grew up with them. That got me thinking and thinking more and getting a little defensive. Normally internet comments don't get to me, but the comments simply weren't understanding the big picture. So I decided I would post a blog about my thoughts and try to counter the comments left on the article in hopes that parents, and hopefully even teens, can see why we need to listen to experts and even when we disagree, take a moment to think: If there is even a chance that this could negatively affect my child and it isn't required for my child to live....does he/she really need it? So....here I go.....
Comment #1: "Just another study": The study was done by Iowa State University and the topic was video games. Iowa State University invented the computer and is still a leader in computer science. They also have a pretty amazing virtual reality program. And they are a major research university. In other words....this isn't just another study. Also, they followed 3000 kids (that is 3000!) for 3 years. They didn't let 10 kids play Black Ops for a Day and then try to pick a fight with them and see how they reacted. They followed these kids for over 1000 days and continued to test them all through the study. This isn't just another study. And even if it was....it is another study among many recent studies that are learning that the brain can easily be affected by any sort of negative media.
Comment #2: "Isn't this just like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians like we used to play". Simple answer? No. I admit, when I was little, I played these games and enjoyed them. I enjoyed "killing" my brother or capturing him and taking him to jail. But I played them for 20 minutes at a time and it was my brother....someone I loved (most of the time). A typical middle school or high school student will play Black Ops or Grand Theft Auto for 3-4 hours at a time without moving their body. The only body part really doing work are the eyes and brain. And they are really working....recording all of the media put in front and processing each and every step and reaction. And these young people are playing their "enemy" which is sometimes the system itself, sometimes a friend, and many times a random person online. And their goal is not just to kill or capture their enemy, their goal is to kill them over and over in the most creative way possible. The students I talk to talk about how they love the blood spatter on their screen and love "trash talking" their opponent even though they admit that they often swear while playing this game because "that is just what you do in these games...you say vulgar stuff to the person you are beating". That does not sound like a game of brother vs brother Cops and Robbers to me. And remember the goal of Cops and Robbers? Not to get caught...run from your enemy. In other words....avoid conflict. The goal in violent video games? Score points, get kills. The more kills you get and the more creative you kill someone? The more points you get. Think about that idea......the more violence you cause and create, the more rewards you get. Ever hear of "leveling up"? This is the ultimate thing for a young person to do in a video game. In our day and age...this would be like getting a raise in your allowance. How awesome was that day!! But today's kids want to constantly "level up" in their games. And in violent video games, you level up by killing (or sadly in some games by beating women, having sex with prostitutes, or killing cops). So, no, these games are not like Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians.
Comment #3: "Have them put down these games and enjoy some family time with UFC fighting, WWE wrestling, Walking Dead, etc.". Since I went a little long on the last comment, I will make this one short. Mainly because it is an easy one. There are other options. There seriously are. We live in a world with over 1000 cable channels, over a million Apps on the AppStore, and cell phones full of pointless, mindless games. If your child has to have a screen in front on them (that is whole other blog.....), there are non-violent options. My kids find them just fine. I love The Walking Dead, but my brain is fully developed and I am prepared for what I see. My kids will be maybe ready for that too....when they are in high school....maybe later.
Comment #4: "This is just like Looney Tunes and dropping anvils on someone's head". Again, no. Looney tunes never used blood. Never. Also, it is "silly violence", not realistic violence. The most popular video games currently are what are known as "realistic violence" games, which are even different than Mortal Kombat that I grew up around. People killing people in bloody ways using real weapons is very different than a road runner dropping an anvil on a coyote or a mouse lighting a cat's tail on fire. Our kids brains are in development, but they are developed enough to tell the difference between those two types of violence. They are not always able to tell the difference between realistic violence and real life though.
Comment #5: "Gamers are not the ones shooting up these places, mentally disturbed people who happened to play games at some point in their life are shooting up these places". Well...not all gamers are shooting places up. In fact, most aren't. But the study didn't say video games cause teens to "shoot places up". It said it increases aggression and influence their future behavior. As mentioned earlier, teen gamers are now learning to not back down but to fight back. They are learning that violence isn't always bad, but many times can be rewarded with power and glory. And yes, without proper adult interaction and instruction, and with a brain that doesn't develop quite like the others, yes they might just be the next shooter. In fact, one of the most common factors in school shootings after mental health issues is exposure to violent video games and media. Several recent shooters even told police that they trained for these events by playing video games such as Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto. But even if you forget about the school shootings, aggression is still the cause of bullying, gang fighting and violence, school fights, and youth violence. And I dislike these just as much as the school shootings.
I could likely keep typing rebuttals to these comments, but I think you get the point. Good parenting and debriefing with a child after any violence, either video game, media, or real, can limit or even erase these effects. But as a full-time working parent with a wife who works full time as well, we can't debrief with our children all the time. We make the easiest decision of all: we try our best to not expose them to any violent media (not even the news at times) and when we do, we do it with purpose and we talk them through what they just saw. Parenting is tough and technology was supposed to make it easier, but for today's parent, it has actually made it tougher.
Bottom line is this: If we continue to ask the question "where did we go wrong? Why are our kids bullying each other? Why are kids so mean these days? Why are there so many school shootings and violence in young people?" And when studies come out simply stating that violent video games and violent media biologically can be altering the brain and behavior of our young people and this helps us answer at least a little piece of these complex questions, why do we immediately say "science is dumb, my kid's just fine playing whatever he/she wants."? Sometimes we ask questions we don't want the answers to. The question is....will we change?
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Kid President with Great Advice!
As we hit the Thanksgiving Break and have a little time to catch up, give Kid President a quick view as he has some great advice. And I am not just saying that because I love corndogs! I wish everyone in our world could do many of the things he suggests. Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
8th Grade Fall Bullying/Harrassment Survey
Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions truthfully and honestly about any bullying/harrassment you have experienced in the last 7 days. This survey is anonymous and the data gained is compared to the Iowa Youth Survey, past survey results, and future survey results. Thank you!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Bullying in Sports: National High School Coaches Convention
I'm excited to have the opportunity to present to coaches from across the country today who have an interest in learning more about bullying and how they can be a big part of the effort to stop bullying before it happens. Here is a version of the powerpoint that I am presenting today. I am not sure if the links work and if the background formatting came through like I hoped, but I may edit it later to fix these. Thank you!
Bullying presentation for National Coaching Convention
View more presentations or Upload your own.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
National High School Coaching Convention Bullying Survey
Coaches, thank you for attending these two workshops on the topic of Bullying in sports. Please take a quick moment to take this 5-question survey. And even more important than taking this survey, I will show you how to make and publish your own survey so you can get data on your players, students, parents, teachers, community, etc. Data should drive decisions....so doing some quick surveys can help you make the first step in preventing bullying on your team and in your school. Thank you!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Bullying Infographic
Lots of great information contained within these 4 infographics about Bullying. Take some time to look through them. School may be out for the summer, but bullying can and does still occur. The difference is that parents, friends, peers, and community members will see it more often and need to step in and stop it.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
6th Grade 2013 Spring Bully/Harrassment Survey
If you are a 6th grader taking Mr. Barry's Life Skills class, please take the brief survey below. Your honesty in this survey is extremely valuable to Mr. Barry, Ms. Flagor, and our school district when it comes to dealing with the issue of true bullying in and around our school building. Thank you!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Parents Information Site About Teens, Technology, and the Online World
I came across this website hunting for a technology video and after looking around I realized that it is a pretty good resource for parents. I did not look at everything on the site, but I thought the videos had lots of good topics and were pretty straight forward. Very informative for a parent who may not know what exactly their child is doing with technology or why they are doing it. Then, there is a blog attached to the site where general interest stories are posted. The site really wants to connect teens with parents and bridge the technology gap between the two. Also has some information on bullying and cyberbullying, which is always great! Please click on the two links below, the parts of the website I liked the most!
Teach Parents Technology! (TPT): Videos to teach parents about the technology their teens are using. Click here!
Home page for the parent portion of the website. Great articles and videos here too. Click here!
Website is called A Platform for Good.Org
Teach Parents Technology! (TPT): Videos to teach parents about the technology their teens are using. Click here!
Home page for the parent portion of the website. Great articles and videos here too. Click here!
Website is called A Platform for Good.Org
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Mr. Barry Attends Governor's Bully Summit!
Mr. Barry had the opportunity to attend and be a panelist at this past week's Governor's Bullying Prevention Summit here in Des Moines. It was a great event with a sold out crowd of 1200, nearly half of them students wanting to make a difference. Mr. Barry representing school counselors of Iowa on the Cyberbullying panel. All of the panels and keynote presentations were recorded and broadcast live online. They will soon be posted so anyone can view them at anytime. When this happens, I will post the links so you can see the great information that I got to see when I was there.
Biggest thing I learned from the conference was that the problem of bullying is a large and complex problem that will take efforts from everyone to solve it. Not just teachers, but students, parents, community members, everyone. And most of the experts who spoke and even the student experts who spoke, agreed that the group that can have the biggest effect are the students. Solutions to bullying created by and led by the students have the best chance to solve the problem of bullying. In fact, many students from schools all over the state produced videos showing their ideas and these ideas were some of the best ideas I have seen in my years as a counselor. Seeing these student videos and seeing all of the students in attendance at the Summit gives me great hope that we will finally turn the tide with bullying and begin to solve the issue and make all of our schools safe again.
Great Article Explaining the Difference Between "Rude", "Mean" and "Bullying"
Another counselor sent this article to me this weekend and after reading it, I figured I would post it here as I think it is a pretty good explanation of the differences between kids being rude and mean and kids who are actually bullying. Bullying is a nasty, nasty thing that some kids do. But it does not happen as much as media sometimes portrays it. Knowing the definition of bullying and being able to identify it is one of the first and most important steps in stopping the problem of bullying inside and outside of schools. Please give this article a quick read.
Rude, Mean, and Bullying....the Difference click here!
Rude, Mean, and Bullying....the Difference click here!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Six Iowa Teens Charged in Sexting Case
KCCI reported on a story today about some Iowa teens who were arrested and charged in a "sexting" case. Just another reminder that what some teens think is a harmless or funny thing to do with a cell phone, can be damaging and embarrassing for the victim, but also be against the law for the teens who send the picture message. I see stories like this from Iowa once or twice a year and it is a good reminder for our own teens to not only think before they speak, but also think before they send.
Click here to read the story.
Click here to read the story.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Stomp Out Bullying Day: Monday, October 1st
We are asking staff, students, and community to wear blue on Monday, October 1st, to show our united effort to stomp out bullying in our schools and community. In fact, we will use the whole week to raise awareness about the problem of bullying and the long term and possibly deadly effects bullying can have on a young person. Our district counseling staff has been and will continue to get data from students, staff, and parents by using surveys. This data will not only include questions about bullying, but questions about a wide-range of needs a student, staff member, or family member may have. As a team, we then review this data and fine tune our plan to address these needs. With a problem like bullying, counselors and teachers cannot solve it on their own. We need the help of students and families as well. Mr. Barry and Ms. Flagor went to a special showing of the much-talked about documentary "Bully" this summer and participated in an hour-long post-movie conversation. The last statement, made by a high school, student really drove home the issue and solution of bullying. She said "Teachers can try all they can. Parents can try all they can. People can make laws and rules and hang up signs and have special days. But in the end, the solution to bullying is with the students. Students must step up and say this isn't right and bullying is a terrible thing. Students listen to students. So when students start sticking up for each other, only then can we truly solve the issue of bullying." I believe she is right. We can all make a difference, but we all need to plant the seed in a child's head about how terrible bullying can be and teach them strategies to avoid being bullied and how to stick up for others who are being bullied. And then we just hope that seed grows and spreads among all students. So, please wear blue on Monday, October 1st and show your support for our efforts in Stomping Out Bullying. Please see the websites below for more information.
Stomp Out Bullying website
Stop Bullying.gov
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Autism and Bullying, a CNN story
Thank you to a middle school parent who emailed me a CNN article about students with autism and the higher likelihood of those students being targets and victims of school bullying. Please click on the link below to read the article in full and as a parent or reader of this blog, feel free to email me anytime with stories, information, etc. that you think I might be interested in or that readers of this blog might be interested in.
As for the article, I have done some research on this and took a class last spring that gave me similar information. And it is not just autism, but also Asperger's, some learning disorders, and students with ADD/ADHD. These students may appear just like any other student, but may have some different behaviors. And middle school kids sometimes struggle with students who look like them, but don't act like them. They cannot always process this difference as just a normal difference in life and this can translate into teasing, or possibly worse like bullying. Like I said above, click this article to read more about this issue. Thanks!
CNN article about Autism and Bullying click here!
As for the article, I have done some research on this and took a class last spring that gave me similar information. And it is not just autism, but also Asperger's, some learning disorders, and students with ADD/ADHD. These students may appear just like any other student, but may have some different behaviors. And middle school kids sometimes struggle with students who look like them, but don't act like them. They cannot always process this difference as just a normal difference in life and this can translate into teasing, or possibly worse like bullying. Like I said above, click this article to read more about this issue. Thanks!
CNN article about Autism and Bullying click here!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Bullying: What is It? What Isn't It? How Has it Changed in a Generation? And How Can it be Stopped?
Quite a mouthful, huh? Since we are beginning another year of school, I wanted to write a blogpost that covered everything I could think of about bullying, or at least the main points since Bullying is such a large topic, full length books don't even cover it all. But as a counselor, I think the most important points to hit are the ones in this post's title:
- What is Bullying?
- What is Not Bullying?
- How Has Bullying Changed Since We Were Kids?
- How Can Bullying be Stopped or Limited?
So, first of all, what is Bullying? Here is a pretty standard and accepted definition:
- Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. (StopBullying.gov)
So, what is not Bullying then?
Well, honestly, most stuff that happens in a school is not bullying. The word "bully" gets thrown around a lot, but not often does an issue classify as a bullying issue. We don't have many fights in our school, but almost all of them are just kids having a bad day or getting caught up in the moment. Very rarely are they a bullying issue. In fact, most bullies prefer to not be physical because it is too easy to be caught. True bullies are very good with persuasion, negative words, and generally bothering you without ever touching you. I always tell students that bullies will sometimes mess with you enough that you will hurt yourself, so they don't have to. Sad, but true. Teasing is pretty normal and pretty common in school. Sadly, so are rumors. But what I have found is that teasing is usually between friends or 'somewhat' friends and the rumors usually die out after a day or two and a new rumor about a different student is active. This is life and has gone on since the dawn of time. Doesn't mean we don't still try to deal with it and there may even still be consequences, but these issues still don't classify as bullying behavior. They can turn into that if they persist day after day and are repetitive and a pattern of teasing/rumors forms. Also, if the effects on the target are severe and affect their well-being here at school on a day-to-day basis, now we could have a bullying issue. But generally, hundreds of issues pop up every day. Sometimes none of those are bullying issues, just teens being teens and some being too mean. Hopefully, I, as the counselor, can work with the students to clear those issues up.
So if Bullying issues are only a small part of the school day, why all the talk? Bullies were around when I was young, what has changed?
Great question....a lot has changed! The biggest changes I see are these two:
- Technology makes bullying 24/7
- Exposure to Media means kids have more mature experiences yet still immature in thinking
What this means is when we were young and people were mean, it was all better for the most part at 3:30 when we got home. Mom or Dad made us some milk and cookies, we cried a bit, and then we went to bed happy. Not so today. That same teen today goes home and likely gets 10 text messages on the way home, possibly all of them reinforcing the mean comments he/she heard during the day. Then, they log into their facebook account to play a game to get away from it all and their wall has been bombarded with hateful words and images. Parents might be working and their school friends and staff are at their own homes. This leaves our young teen brain alone with negative thoughts. Things can escalate very quickly, especially if the teen tries to respond to the comments, and very soon we could have a crisis situation. In my "former life" as a science teacher at our high school, one scary fact I remember is that the last part of the brain to develop is problem solving and long-term planning/logic. This doesn't develop fully until almost age 20. So, our young teen brain is getting bombarded with hateful messages without the ability to properly problem solve and think "Ignore. Block. Delete. Don't listen to them. Listen to Music. Life will get better. You have friends. You have family. Etc." So when we used to get away from bullying by literally getting away, today's teen cannot. And before you say "Just don't let them have a phone or use Facebook", be careful. That is punishing the target and not letting them develop coping and problem-solving skills they will need when life gets even tougher. Teens are social beings and one of the biggest social activities and ways to stay connected is social networks, cell phones, and texting. Take these away and your child could be even more damaged then they were when they were being bullied. But, limits to these help and knowing skills like blocking, ignoring, and deleting, as well as printing and saving the online posts for evidence work great. I knew one student who got mean and hateful texts all through the night and was up all night getting these texts. A simple suggestion of turning off his phone at night or leaving it in the kitchen could have fixed that. But to convince this teen to get away from a social connection like their phone for even the bedtime hours took some convincing!
And as to the other point, our kids today get exposed to violent, mature images, words, concepts all the time. Even when we limit them, they still get it in one form or another. And again, their brain can't process all of this, so they truly do not understand how hurtful some of these words or actions can be. It doesn't always hurt when they hear or see them on TV, so why would it in real life? 24/7 media via Internet, cable/satellite TV, and the radio keeps pushing these things to the kids and some of it then gets pushed on each other in the heat of the moment.
Wow....so how do we stop Bullying?
Well, I don't think it can truly be stopped, but it can be prevented as much as possible. It takes EVERYONE's help though. A counselor can work with both bullies and targets to give them skills so it doesn't happen again. Parents can monitor their child's phone and social network some and yet still respect their privacy. Parents, teachers, and any adults can model correct behavior and understand that if a child/teen sees parents fight in an unhealthy manner (name-calling, aggression, etc), adults yelling at the opposing team or the umpires, or adults bad-mouthing each other (even in politics!!), that a child/teen will learn from this and learn it is acceptable behavior. Even if deep down we all know it should not be acceptable. But when I went to watch the Bully movie and stayed for the hour-long discussion afterwards, the best solution was given by a student at the very end of our discussion. She said "We can all talk about stopping bullying. We can make signs. Adults can try their best to monitor their teens. And we can even make laws. But honestly, it is up to the teens themselves. They are the ones that have to stand up for each other and say Bullying is not right and is not acceptable. Only then will we truly make a difference because teens listen to teens." That might have been one of the bigger ovations I have heard in some time. She was right. She was so right! But....we must all still work together and do our part and get the teens talking about this and spreading the message that Bullying is not normal, teen behavior....it is hateful, mean behavior that can have long-lasting effects. And if we can't stop it, we must work together to limit it.
Phew....that was a long post, at least for me. I have many more ideas on Bullying and will be studying it a lot this year, especially Cyberbullying. I am presenting at the Iowa School Counselors Association Conference in November on the topic of Bullying. I will also be on a panel at the first ever Bullying Prevention Summit in Des Moines at the end of November. Both exciting opportunities. I may also be doing some speaking at some coaching meetings and classes for the state on the idea/topic of bullying in sports. Gonig to be a busy year, but I know a couple things are guaranteed. We will have some bullying issues in our middle school this year (every school has these) and we will have some that are not. But I will work with our staff and students to see if we can resolve each one all while doing some school-wide Bullying Prevention educational ideas as well. Thank you for reading!!
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