Breaking the Technology Addiction.....How??

     I will be the first to admit it, I might be addicted to technology. This coming from a guy who once said he would never own a cell phone and only finally agreed to get a phone (but not use it!) because his pregnant wife said he needed one  just in case she went into labor. Fast-forward 10 years and 5 kids later, and I have my cell phone by me 24 hours a day. But what really worries me is when my 5-year old son says his best friend is "the IPad" and when asked what he is thankful for, his answer is "IPad!". Um...we have a problem. Fortunately, all problems can be solved or at least worked on. And fortunately, a radio DJ this weekend had several solutions we, as parents, can try. So, if your kids are like mine (or better or worse), here is a list of things you can try.

1. Sit down and have a conversation with them about technology use. And write up some expectations (rules, contract....whatever you want to call it). This doesn't make you bad parents for not laying down the law. Kids will buy into the expectations more if they have some input. They may surprise you with what their limits should be. This conversation should include all types of technology, not just phones or IPads, but game systems, E-readers, etc. But get the expectations in writing so everyone can agree upon it and review it from time to time and maybe update it.

2. Create Tech-Free zones. The dinner table, after 9 p.m., during homework time, church, etc. This can be part of your family discussion. But technology should not interrupt family time or other important times. As for late night technology use, screens are not good just before bedtime. It affects all of us and our ability to fall asleep quickly and have good, sound sleep. Pre-teens and teens don't really need technology in their room, but if they do, make sure it isn't keeping them up at night. Believe it or not, I have several students who wake up in the middle of the night (some even set their alarms!) and play on their phones or watch Netflix from 2-5 a.m.!! Technology is supposed to be useful and fun, not limit our family time or hurt our bodies. These Tech-Free zones might help us all get our families, and our sleep, back!

3. Discuss what Technology we are all using and why? Reading a book on an E-Reader or playing Cool Math Games online....not a bad choice for technology. Playing Call of Duty and killing video-humans or zombies for hours on end....probably not the best choice. Playing candy crush on a smart phone all through dinner versus texting back and forth with a friend who just moved away and had a rough first day at his new school.....pretty easy choice as to which is good and which is bad. Again, technology is meant to help us, not make us into mindless drones. It is no secret that the most popular games have endless levels and give extra lives and powerups. Remember the good ol' days when you have 3 PacMan lives and if you died 3 times you went back to your seat at Pizza Hut and enjoyed your family and good pizza. Well, technology creators have solved this problem by making sure kids and teens can play over and over and over and never quit if they want. A little mindless fun is okay every now and then, but if it is consuming their time and causing other things to not get done (homework, chores), then it is a problem. Not to mention what games, apps, social networking sites are appropriate vs. non-appropriate for certain ages.

4. Be there with your child when they are using technology as much as possible. Not only can you monitor their time, but you can monitor what they are doing with that time. Safe and appropriate use is key as they are learning and consuming technology. We wouldn't let our children drive a car without going through many steps and having us along their side and we wouldn't allow them to work a job without some training and a boss and co-workers supporting their learning, so why would we let them use technology without our help, support, and monitoring?

5. Last, but not least.....reflect on your technology use. I will admit it, my kids use technology a lot because I do. But I am getting better at modeling how I use technology so my kids see this and hopefully follow my lead. This means no phone or tablet at the dinner table, no texting and driving, no violent or pointless video games, and other expectations I want my kids to follow. I do have the urge to do these things sometimes, but I push that urge aside not just for me, but for my kids. Learning by example and observation is what kids do best, so no matter what rules and things you try to do, if you can't stick to them, your kids likely will not be able to either.

   I will leave you with this video which I have seen before, but I saw it on a few sites as I researched for this blog. It is a good reminder why we should not be glued to our screens.

Welcome to Middle School! Now What?

 After reading this great advice post at the Parent Tool-kit website, I wanted to quickly post a little top 10 list of Middle School Parent Advice. I am doing this a little selfishly as I am now just one year away from having my first-born become a middle school child and have four more children who will hit middle school (and their teenage years) in the years following. So, I need to prepare just as much as all of you. So here goes....

1. Ask for help when you need it. Whether it be from another parent, a teacher, the principal, the counselor, your child's friend, or even your child....ask! Parents cannot single-handily raise a middle school child, I think it might be impossible! The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I think was specifically said about middle school children! Biologically, their brains are starting to tell them to be less dependent on their parents, but they still listen to adults...just not always their parents. So, please, ask for help when in need.

2. Good days, bad days. No matter what your child is like now, they will have good days and they will have some really bad days. And in many cases, there is not a whole lot of difference in what happened, just how they perceive what happened. It depends on their brain chemicals and hormones and how they are working that particular day. Just listen, be understanding,  and try to help where you can. But listening is the most important.

3. Homework and school work. Have them do SOMETHING school related each night, even if for only 15 minutes. Study some flashcards, quiz them on their math, ask them to show you something they learned. Look online to find out when their next test is and start studying for the test. Set goals. Something! And if they get behind, get a hold of the teacher and set up a plan to catch up. Set some goals....and get caught up!

4. Oh...set goals! So your new middle school child wants to be independent huh? Fine...have them set goals and make a plan to achieve these goals. Grade goals, fitness goals, sports goals, saving money goal, hobby goals, even video game goals! The process of setting a goal and working for it is what matters. You can eventually use this as a way to get them thinking much further into their future goals: College, career, life plans.

5. Careers...start thinking about them. They do not need to decide on a career during middle school, but this is when they can really start dreaming of this career and you can start helping them understand what it takes to get to that career. They are never too young to research and job shadow possible careers.

6. Friends. I am going to cheat and simply agree with what the parent tool-kit blog post said. Your middle school child needs multiple groups of friends. As a counselor there is one thing I can guarantee you: Your child will have a major breakdown with their friends and that breakdown could last a day, a week, or even the rest of the year. When that happens to a child who had no other groups of friends, that is painful to watch. They are completely isolated and alone. But when it happens to a child who can go to another group of friends for support, the pain can be greatly lessened. Plus, it is just plain healthy to have a variety of friends and will help your child in the long run. How to do this? Have your child get involved, have them play with friends after school, have different friends over at different times. And of course, get to know all of their friends...and their families.

7. Technology and their online world. Most (not all) kids are using technology and many are online. I cannot stress enough that this is not the place to give them total independence. It is simply too dangerous. And I don't just mean online predators and sexting, I also mean innappropriate emails, misunderstood texts and cyberbullying, and viewing explicit sites on the Internet. I have had students tell me they have two accounts for each social network, one their parent knows about and follows and one they don't. I have students saying they know how to delete texts before parents see them and have found sites where they can harrass and bully others anonymously and do not see what is wrong with this. With all of this said, I am a big supporter of technology, but cannot stress enough how much you need to have open communication with your child and need to speak with them often about their technology use.

8. Open Communication. The three years of middle school might be the toughest and strangest three years of life your child goes through. They need someone they can talk to and someone they can trust. Parents are the best choice for this but trust and openness has to be established. Remember, their brains are telling them to get away and be independent, but they have so many issues and questions that need help at the same time. Don't accept "I'm okay", "Nothing.", and "I'm fine." for an answer. Get your child talking and earn that trust. You will be amazed at how great these "difficult" conversations actually are. And your relationship will become even better.

9. Beware of mental health issues. Mental health issues (if they are going to occur) usually begin with the onset of puberty. Depression, anxiety, OCD, suicidal thoughts, etc. Middle schools are seeing more and more mental health issues for a variety of reasons, one of which is that puberty is occurring earlier and earlier over the decades and this is bringing mental health issues into the age range of 10-14. So just like our teachers are learning more and more about the warning signs and symptoms of mental health issues, parents should too. And please remember....a mental health illness is just like a physical illness. It needs medical attention and CAN be cured or treated. Don't ignore it, help your child work through it and get them better.

10. Have fun. Seems weird to think about "fun" after all of these stressful items. But any middle school teacher will tell you that the reason he/she loves teaching middle school is because these kids are "fun". They really are. They will test you and they will think they hate you at times, but even in those moments you have to sit back and laugh (after they have gone to sleep or left for a friend's house) and realize that the middle school human child is a really fun species and one that you will want to spend time with and get to know and have fun with. This stage is really the last stage where your child is still a "child", so enjoy it and enjoy the ride!

   I am excited for another year of middle school and meeting all of the new students and working with all of the returning students again. And I definitely plan to have fun as well. I hope you do too!

Kid President with Great Advice!

As we hit the Thanksgiving Break and have a little time to catch up, give Kid President a quick view as he has some great advice. And I am not just saying that because I love corndogs! I wish everyone in our world could do many of the things he suggests. Enjoy!

Interview Questions and Suggested Answers

For all of my 8th graders out there still looking for a summer job and for any high school students or adults looking for a job and interviewing soon. Here are the most common interview questions and suggested answers. Glad to see much of what I tell my 6th and 8th graders is in this list! Good list to copy and save for when you prepare to interview.

Colin Powell's TED Talk has Some Great Advice for Parents and Kids

 I love TED talk videos and check back each week to see what new videos are being shared and passed around the country. This time, Colin Powell's video is one of the most watched of the week. And now I see why, he has some great advice about kids and the structure they need. See the video below. Have a great weekend!