After reading this great advice post at the Parent Tool-kit website, I wanted to quickly post a little top 10 list of Middle School Parent Advice. I am doing this a little selfishly as I am now just one year away from having my first-born become a middle school child and have four more children who will hit middle school (and their teenage years) in the years following. So, I need to prepare just as much as all of you. So here goes....
1. Ask for help when you need it. Whether it be from another parent, a teacher, the principal, the counselor, your child's friend, or even your child....ask! Parents cannot single-handily raise a middle school child, I think it might be impossible! The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I think was specifically said about middle school children! Biologically, their brains are starting to tell them to be less dependent on their parents, but they still listen to adults...just not always their parents. So, please, ask for help when in need.
2. Good days, bad days. No matter what your child is like now, they will have good days and they will have some really bad days. And in many cases, there is not a whole lot of difference in what happened, just how they perceive what happened. It depends on their brain chemicals and hormones and how they are working that particular day. Just listen, be understanding, and try to help where you can. But listening is the most important.
3. Homework and school work. Have them do SOMETHING school related each night, even if for only 15 minutes. Study some flashcards, quiz them on their math, ask them to show you something they learned. Look online to find out when their next test is and start studying for the test. Set goals. Something! And if they get behind, get a hold of the teacher and set up a plan to catch up. Set some goals....and get caught up!
4. Oh...set goals! So your new middle school child wants to be independent huh? Fine...have them set goals and make a plan to achieve these goals. Grade goals, fitness goals, sports goals, saving money goal, hobby goals, even video game goals! The process of setting a goal and working for it is what matters. You can eventually use this as a way to get them thinking much further into their future goals: College, career, life plans.
5. Careers...start thinking about them. They do not need to decide on a career during middle school, but this is when they can really start dreaming of this career and you can start helping them understand what it takes to get to that career. They are never too young to research and job shadow possible careers.
6. Friends. I am going to cheat and simply agree with what the parent tool-kit blog post said. Your middle school child needs multiple groups of friends. As a counselor there is one thing I can guarantee you: Your child will have a major breakdown with their friends and that breakdown could last a day, a week, or even the rest of the year. When that happens to a child who had no other groups of friends, that is painful to watch. They are completely isolated and alone. But when it happens to a child who can go to another group of friends for support, the pain can be greatly lessened. Plus, it is just plain healthy to have a variety of friends and will help your child in the long run. How to do this? Have your child get involved, have them play with friends after school, have different friends over at different times. And of course, get to know all of their friends...and their families.
7. Technology and their online world. Most (not all) kids are using technology and many are online. I cannot stress enough that this is not the place to give them total independence. It is simply too dangerous. And I don't just mean online predators and sexting, I also mean innappropriate emails, misunderstood texts and cyberbullying, and viewing explicit sites on the Internet. I have had students tell me they have two accounts for each social network, one their parent knows about and follows and one they don't. I have students saying they know how to delete texts before parents see them and have found sites where they can harrass and bully others anonymously and do not see what is wrong with this. With all of this said, I am a big supporter of technology, but cannot stress enough how much you need to have open communication with your child and need to speak with them often about their technology use.
8. Open Communication. The three years of middle school might be the toughest and strangest three years of life your child goes through. They need someone they can talk to and someone they can trust. Parents are the best choice for this but trust and openness has to be established. Remember, their brains are telling them to get away and be independent, but they have so many issues and questions that need help at the same time. Don't accept "I'm okay", "Nothing.", and "I'm fine." for an answer. Get your child talking and earn that trust. You will be amazed at how great these "difficult" conversations actually are. And your relationship will become even better.
9. Beware of mental health issues. Mental health issues (if they are going to occur) usually begin with the onset of puberty. Depression, anxiety, OCD, suicidal thoughts, etc. Middle schools are seeing more and more mental health issues for a variety of reasons, one of which is that puberty is occurring earlier and earlier over the decades and this is bringing mental health issues into the age range of 10-14. So just like our teachers are learning more and more about the warning signs and symptoms of mental health issues, parents should too. And please remember....a mental health illness is just like a physical illness. It needs medical attention and CAN be cured or treated. Don't ignore it, help your child work through it and get them better.
10. Have fun. Seems weird to think about "fun" after all of these stressful items. But any middle school teacher will tell you that the reason he/she loves teaching middle school is because these kids are "fun". They really are. They will test you and they will think they hate you at times, but even in those moments you have to sit back and laugh (after they have gone to sleep or left for a friend's house) and realize that the middle school human child is a really fun species and one that you will want to spend time with and get to know and have fun with. This stage is really the last stage where your child is still a "child", so enjoy it and enjoy the ride!
I am excited for another year of middle school and meeting all of the new students and working with all of the returning students again. And I definitely plan to have fun as well. I hope you do too!
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