As I started my Saturday morning with my wife under the weather and needing me to occupy the kids in some activity so they would let her sleep, my daughter suggested we carve the two large pumpkins that have sat on our kitchen floor for over a week. While my initial thought was "How come I didn't hide those so the kids would forget?", I decided that this would be a good family activity that would take a large amount of time and the kids would love it. So, perfect idea Abby! An hour later, we were done with one pumpkin and I made a funny Facebook post about how carving pumpkins is a great analogy for parenting and thought I was done. But when others agreed that this was a great analogy, I gave it more thought and I think I am on to something. The whole pumpkin carving process is truly like parenting and I came away from this morning activity appreciating my kids and the process of parenting even more. It also helped that my daughter had so much fun that she demanded to do the 2nd pumpkin all by herself while I iced my sore carving hand. :)
So, let's start from the beginning. Going to the pumpkin patch to pick out the perfect pumpkin and then bringing it home. But you can't carve it yet, you have to also buy the special carving tools and the buy the patterns (or go online where they are free!). You have to find the perfect pattern and cut it out and get your carving station all set up. This all takes awhile, but you will be much better off if everything is ready to go before you start. Hmmm.....sounds a lot like having your first child! All the preparation, buying all the supplies and books and reading all the parenting tips and strategies, and of course getting the nursery ready for the baby's big arrival. This is the fun and exciting part, just like getting ready to carve the pumpkin is fun and exciting, especially for the other kids in your family. But at some point, it is time to start, and that is where it gets tough.
When you start carving, you quickly realize that the hope of your pumpkin turning out like the pattern you chose is likely gone. You really have no shot at recreating what the picture shows, but that isn't a bad thing. It is still fun. But then it keeps going....and going.....and going. Your hand cramps up, a tool breaks, you realize the plastic tools you bought don't work and one might even break. You find new tools. You throw some things. You swear (only a little). You step back and look at your creation several times before convincing yourself that you can do this and you need to finish what you started. You might even watch a Youtube "How to" video (I have!) or ask someone else who has tried carving a pumpkin for some advice. Either way, this is way harder than you thought. It was so easy when you were a kid and you just cut 3 triangles and a silly mouth. Now, you are trying to cut a vampire chasing a bat in a wooded setting and the final product is suppose to look like something Da Vinci did in his prime. Yours? Not so much.
This represents the part of parenting you are likely in right now: from birth to adulthood. It isn't as easy as it looks (trust me....I have 5 Jack-o-Lanterns at home!). The tools and books you bought don't always work and you are constantly asking for advice (and yes, likely even watching some Youtube parenting advice videos). You may throw things, you may swear, you may cry, and you may walk away to take a break. But you keep coming back because this is your creation and you need to finish what you started, even if raising your children isn't going exactly as you planned. Parenting is tough and you get tired. A lot. And it's messy...just like carving a pumpkin. But when you step back and look at it, as frustrating as it may be, it is fun and worthwhile. You learn things as you go and you get better at it and soon you are giving advice to others. Maybe the biggest difference between carving a pumpkin and parenting is you eventually finish carving the pumpkin, but you are never done parenting.
But.....there is a time to put the pumpkin outside for others to enjoy. You put a light inside your new Jack-o-Lantern and now it is on it's own. There is a time like this for parenting too. Eventually, we need to let our kids shine their light for others to see and to be out on their own. That's the best part of the Jack-o-Lantern....getting them out into the real world with a light to show off their specialness and uniqueness and for others to enjoy. We know that from the moment we buy the pumpkin....they will eventually not be in our kitchen, but outside for others. I would like to think that the pumpkin has the same goal (maybe?).
So what does this all mean? Well, for me, it meant to enjoy a fun family activity and had me reflecting on how many more times I will get moments like this with my kids. But it also helped me enjoy the carving process instead of dreading it. It helped me realize that even though parenting is tough and a struggle, I need to enjoy these moments, not dread some of them. It made me appreciate my final Jack-o-Lanterns because even though they weren't perfect, they were mine and they were special. And once we got a light in them and took the picture you see above, we were all pretty excited and proud. It was hard work, but fun work and our family loved the final product. It may have been a struggle, but our family is all smiles now and that is a great thing!
