6th Grade Minute Meetings!

Welcome 6th graders to Carlisle Middle School! Today, you will spend 1 minute with me. In that time, I will introduce myself, talk about what I do and where you can find me, and then you will answer these 4 quick questions. By the end of the day, I will have met all 143 6th graders! Have a great week!

Back to School Anxiety Support and Resources

With school starting up for staff later this week and students next Wednesday (with Kindergarten and Pre-school after that), anxiety within our body may start to rise. I know it does with me every year and I've been doing this as my career for awhile! Anxiety is natural and normal. Some of us have very little and some of us have a lot. And it depends on the situation. But school, homework, testing, friendships, social skills, teachers, etc. all can cause different levels of anxiety. And nearly all of these scenarios are thrown at students on the first day. So how do you prepare your child (or even yourself) for this first day and each day afterwards? Here are some great resources to review.

Anxiety BC has a lot of great ideas....click here!

Child Parenting also has some great and similar ideas....click here!

And Family Education has some ideas on how specifically to talk to your children about their possible anxieties....click here!

Two Week Warning! School is Just TWO Weeks Away! Here's What to Do Now.

      I had hoped to put this out right at 8:00 a.m. this morning, but even I am still a little slow due to summer. But I need to pick it up because in 2 weeks, over 2000 students will be in our buildings and we need to be on our "A" game. And so do students. With teachers doing curriculum work, getting their rooms ready, and checking in and out periodically over the last two weeks and officially reporting next week, it reminded me that this is a great time to start preparing my own kids to start getting into school mode. This does not mean I am putting them through school work from 8 to 3 everyday (we are even spending all day tomorrow at Adventureland!), but it does means some changes are happening around our house so that our kids are physically and mentally ready for school on the morning of August 26th. Here are some quick and easy things to consider doing to make the transition back to school easier and more successful. 



       Bedtimes! Number 1 complaint I hear from parents about the first day of school is trying to get their kids out of bed. Trust me, I would be a grumpy counselor if I woke up at my 6 a.m. alarm for the first time in 3 months on the first day of school. That is why I have been setting my alarm for 6 a.m. since the beginning of August. I don't always make it out of bed at that time and the snooze button does get hit a few times, but I am trying and my body is slowly getting used to these efforts. But even more important than the wake up time is the time you go to bed. If your kids have been on "summer time" and going to bed around 9 or 10 when they usually go to bed around 8, now is the time to transition back. I had heard once that it takes about 2 weeks for a teenager to fully recover from one night of unusual sleep (think staying up to 3 a.m. at a sleepover). Hmm....2 weeks? That makes it even more important to start getting into your school bed and wake up time routine now. The mind will be fresh and ready on that first day of school. If this is a huge change, have a goal to get your kids in bed at the school bed time and let them read or draw until their mind is more relaxed and falling asleep will be easier. Speaking of.....



       Now is the time to read!! I'm not talking just to the students who have required reading, but to all students. Doesn't matter the age, reading for pleasure will help in all areas. And it will help their mind wind down after a long and fun summer day. The older the student, the more reading they are going to be doing in each subject area. So getting your child in the habit of daily reading for 20 minutes or more will help them prepare for the reading that the school day and homework will bring. Even better? Have your child read to you and you read to them. Take turns. You can listen and help where they might make mistakes and they can listen to you to hear how you work through words and how you start, pause, and stop at certain points and inflection and emotion you have in your voice. Who knows.....maybe they will fall asleep when you are reading!! (Not a bad thing....this is a good thing!) 




      How about some math? Science? Social Studies? Yes, these are all good too. The trick is to do some each day without your child noticing they are doing "school work". Go to garage sales and give them some money to budget and spend. Maybe give them only coins so they have to do a little more math. Start looking at possible vacation ideas for next year and have them come up with some ideas as long as they plan how to get there and what you would do. Go for a walk on a bike trail or in the woods and enjoy nature. Go fishing! Go grocery shopping and have your child estimate how much you are spending on everything in your cart. Have your child pick all the back to school items and add up how much it costs. Watch the news together and discuss world events and politics. Add National Geographic or Ranger Rick or Time for Kids to their "for fun" reading at night. All of these ideas get a little more science, math, or social studies into their daily life. The key is to let them explore and learn and talk with them as they do these things. Get to know what they are thinking and how they are solving problems. The more you know about how your child learns, the better you will be able to help them when they get stuck. By the way, as a bonus, as a former science teacher, the Internet has tons of fun science experiments that use basic kitchen materials. My kids love these types of things. And I didn't even mention crafts and creative art things you can do. The options for fun (and educational) ideas are virtually endless! 


    

     These three ideas are the ideas that jump out as me as the most important things you can do to get a jump start on school. Of course you have to mix in some back to school shopping, a trip to the State Fair, and one last time at the pool, I-Cubs game, or Adventureland as well I am sure. But school will start in two weeks and the more prepared your child's mind and body is for that transition, the better start he/she will have. And good starts lead to good years. And a good year (actually a great year) is what we are all hoping for this year. See you in 2 weeks!

Best Video Explaining the Teenage Brain

  I have used this video in the coaching classes I teach through Drake and AEA in order to better help adult coaches understand what is going on inside the brain of a teenager. And the part I find the most fascinating is that we are just now learning all of this and are continuing to learn more. The brain is nowhere near fully understood but we have learned a lot the past decade or more. This guy talks fast and the video is fast-paced, but if you listen closely, you will be fascinated by what you learned. And you will begin to understand your teenager a lot better. Enjoy!

My Oldest Child is Headed to Middle School (or Becoming a Teenager)....Time to Panic!! Or Enjoy It?

Before you reach for the "Panic Button", consider reaching for the "Don't Panic Button". Seriously, it is an okay option. And it might actually make this transition easier on everyone! Some of this is just my own self-talk because I am right there with you. I have five children and my oldest child is starting middle school (in my building!) in just 3 weeks. I admit, I am in a little bit of a panic mode on the inside, but maybe if I read this blog post that I am writing, I will realize that everything will be okay. I will survive the Ups and Downs of middle school just like my son will. And when it is all said and done, I will realize that my son and I are better because of them. So if you can't panic, what can you do? Well, here is a few pieces of advice that I have come up with.


 1. Seriously....don't panic! Why not? Because as your child gets older, they continue to mimic the human behavior that is immediately around them. And when they hit the hormonal changes of adolescence, their brains and bodies may not be able to keep all of that emotion inside. And when it comes out, if you react and panic and get emotional, they will escalate their behavior even more. Be the calm in their life. There will be rough days an exciting days and what your child needs most from you on most days is for you to be the calm, listening, reassuring person in their life. Trust me....it isn't going to be their adolescent friends most times. So, don't panic with each mini-crisis, stay calm and help them calm down to your level.



 2. Communicate with your new middle school child or teenager. I know, I know...teens don't like to talk. But that is more of a myth than anything. Teens love to hear their own voice. It is just their brains are starting to tell them to be independent and not to rely on their parents all the time. You won't be needed to solve all of their problems anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't ask about their day and how things are going. And when you communicate, plan your questions so they can't just answer it with one word. And if they try....don't settle. Communication is going to be key to your child becoming an adult and if you let the communication door close in 6th or 7th grade, it may be tough to get it back open. And trust me, difficult conversations will need to be had at some point in your relationship with your child and these are much easier if you have been talking and communicating daily before the tough talk needs to happen.


 3. Stay involved. Sure middle school gets confusing for the parent just as it does for the child with the number of teachers your child has jumping to a dozen or more and the homework they bring home starting to test your adult brain (it's okay to not understand the math problems or how electricity works in a circuit!), but that doesn't mean you should pull away. Your child still needs you to help with homework and to check their homework. And when they see you struggle (and sometimes fail!!), they will know it is okay to struggle and to sometimes fail. It is about the process and how you react to the process. And if something isn't going well, contact the teacher, contact the school, contact the counselor. Or encourage your child to do these things as well and become their own advocate for their learning and development. And attend their concerts, their games, their activities. Get excited about what they are doing each and every day. Your attitude about middle school will influence their attitude....so show them how exciting and fun it can be!



 4. Get ready for and actually have difficult conversations. Whether it be about drugs, love, sex, bullying, peer pressure, body image, mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts, or whatever, don't shy away from these talks. They probably won't make it through middle school (and later high school) without having to make some tough decisions in these areas and how scary would it be to go through this alone. But most kids won't just bring up these topics with you, so you are going to have to do a little work to find out if a big issue is weighing on them. One way is by remember #2: Keep communicating! If you keep communicating, these topics will come up a little more naturally and a little easier. And the other way to always keep your ears and eyes open. They will give you clues because they usually want to talk to someone about these things. Look for changes in behavior, attitude, or habits. When you see these, find some 1-on-1 time and try to see what is up. They may not let it out the first time, but if you keep allowing for some 1-on-1 time, if there is something bothering them, it will come out eventually. And don't hesitate to contact me if I can help.



 5. Okay, I'll stop at 5 things. But this one is important. Balance Structure and Independence. This is a tough one, but I cannot stress enough how much middle school students and teens really do crave structure. They will never admit it, but they love it. This is a time to slowly give your child their independence (little by little), but this is not a time to give up on structure and rules. Bedtimes, curfews, rules on technology, limits on technology, language, boundaries, etc. are all still needed. If you have a good amount of structure, it will eliminate many of the big issues listed in #4. And the smaller issues that come up is a good time to help them be independent as they can usually work through those issues on their own. But the more structure you get rid of at a time period when their brains are only half developed, the more risk that creeps into their young lives. And risk is not a good thing in a teen's life (see future video) because they cannot evaluate and decide on risks very well at this point in their life. And remember, they may fight you on the structure you put into place, but you are the parent and they are the child and deep-down, they are thankful for it.



 I may have to read this several times this year to remind myself about my own child going through the middle school experience. From being in a middle school every day for the past seven years, I know every child will have some rough days. But I also know every child will have so many good, fun, awesome, exciting days as well. My son keeps thinking I am weird for being so excited for this year. Some of it is so he doesn't see me panic, but most of it is because I truly know he will have an exciting three years. And whether he likes it or not, my wife and I are going to be going through this journey with him.

4th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey: Spring 2015

Students, please take time to answer the following 10 questions about your experiences in Hartford Upper Elementary the past 7 school days. Be as honest as possible as the survey is anonymous and the data is extremely important for us to understand what the student experience is like when it comes to bullying and harassment issues. Click Submit when you are finished and begin on today's assignment.

Resources for Dealing with and Talking about Depression and Suicide with Your Children

   In talking with some of the leaders in the Urbandale school district, they have provided me with a variety of resources on the topics of depression, self-harm, and suicide. I have placed some of these resources, along with other resources I have come across, in the space below. Please take some time to view them as there is some great advice on warning signs in your own children and how to talk to your children about your concerns.

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education website has a huge list of information to review. Plenty of other links down the side as well.

Not necessarily a tip or resource for parents and guardians, but Facebook has a really, really cool feature that they are rolling out this week. Hopefully other social networks will update their sites with a similar feature. Click here to read about it.


The National Institute of Mental Health has a ton of resources on suicide as well. In fact, when it comes to any topic concerning mental health, visit their website for more information.

And our local affiliate of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI Greater Des Moines, is also a great resource on all things Mental Health related. Here is a link to an easy to read "what to do/what not to do" chart when it comes to talking with people about suicide.


And maybe the most important information is the suicide hotline number. Anyone can call it. A person could call it just to talk. A person could call out of concern for another. Anyone.

National Hotline number: 1-800-273-8255

You can also dial 2-1-1 to get United Way's hotline number for information, counseling, and crisis line.

If You Do Five Things with your Child: Talking with Your Child about Depression and Suicide

   

   This is some advice I have used before with parents and groups that I have spoken to when it comes to dealing with teens and/or your own children and the issue of self-harm and suicide.


1.  Communicate with your child and build a relationship of trust that will allow them to openly come to you when they are having depressive or suicidal thoughts and feelings. 

2.     Do not judge. Do not get mad. A local college student who travels around talking to young people told us at a workshop that the turning point in his life was when his mom walked in while he was cutting and she did not get angry. She took the razor and said “You need help. I am here to help. I love you. Now….let’s go get help.”. Saved his life, changed his life.

3.       Watch for signs of depression.  And address it when you see it. Mental health “injuries” and “sickness” are just like physical injuries and sickness. Seek medical help and support.

4.       Get other eyes on your child. You can’t watch them all of the time, but let their coach, counselor, principal, teacher know. And partner with these people.

5.       Love.  Sounds so simple, but love with your words. Love with your actions. Love with your closeness, your hugs, your touch.

College Visit on March 25th!! What College Do You Want to Visit??

 All 8th grade students need to take this survey. We will try to get as many students to the first school of their choice as possible. Thank you!

7th Grade Bullying/Harassment Survey 2014

7th Graders, please take this survey before you do ANYTHING else in the computer lab. Please be honest on this survey and understand that it is ANONYMOUS, so no one will know your answers. However, if you feel you are being bullied and/or harassed and want help, please see Mr. Barry so that we can work on this issue together. Thank you for your time on this survey.

Welcome to Middle School! Now What?

 After reading this great advice post at the Parent Tool-kit website, I wanted to quickly post a little top 10 list of Middle School Parent Advice. I am doing this a little selfishly as I am now just one year away from having my first-born become a middle school child and have four more children who will hit middle school (and their teenage years) in the years following. So, I need to prepare just as much as all of you. So here goes....

1. Ask for help when you need it. Whether it be from another parent, a teacher, the principal, the counselor, your child's friend, or even your child....ask! Parents cannot single-handily raise a middle school child, I think it might be impossible! The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I think was specifically said about middle school children! Biologically, their brains are starting to tell them to be less dependent on their parents, but they still listen to adults...just not always their parents. So, please, ask for help when in need.

2. Good days, bad days. No matter what your child is like now, they will have good days and they will have some really bad days. And in many cases, there is not a whole lot of difference in what happened, just how they perceive what happened. It depends on their brain chemicals and hormones and how they are working that particular day. Just listen, be understanding,  and try to help where you can. But listening is the most important.

3. Homework and school work. Have them do SOMETHING school related each night, even if for only 15 minutes. Study some flashcards, quiz them on their math, ask them to show you something they learned. Look online to find out when their next test is and start studying for the test. Set goals. Something! And if they get behind, get a hold of the teacher and set up a plan to catch up. Set some goals....and get caught up!

4. Oh...set goals! So your new middle school child wants to be independent huh? Fine...have them set goals and make a plan to achieve these goals. Grade goals, fitness goals, sports goals, saving money goal, hobby goals, even video game goals! The process of setting a goal and working for it is what matters. You can eventually use this as a way to get them thinking much further into their future goals: College, career, life plans.

5. Careers...start thinking about them. They do not need to decide on a career during middle school, but this is when they can really start dreaming of this career and you can start helping them understand what it takes to get to that career. They are never too young to research and job shadow possible careers.

6. Friends. I am going to cheat and simply agree with what the parent tool-kit blog post said. Your middle school child needs multiple groups of friends. As a counselor there is one thing I can guarantee you: Your child will have a major breakdown with their friends and that breakdown could last a day, a week, or even the rest of the year. When that happens to a child who had no other groups of friends, that is painful to watch. They are completely isolated and alone. But when it happens to a child who can go to another group of friends for support, the pain can be greatly lessened. Plus, it is just plain healthy to have a variety of friends and will help your child in the long run. How to do this? Have your child get involved, have them play with friends after school, have different friends over at different times. And of course, get to know all of their friends...and their families.

7. Technology and their online world. Most (not all) kids are using technology and many are online. I cannot stress enough that this is not the place to give them total independence. It is simply too dangerous. And I don't just mean online predators and sexting, I also mean innappropriate emails, misunderstood texts and cyberbullying, and viewing explicit sites on the Internet. I have had students tell me they have two accounts for each social network, one their parent knows about and follows and one they don't. I have students saying they know how to delete texts before parents see them and have found sites where they can harrass and bully others anonymously and do not see what is wrong with this. With all of this said, I am a big supporter of technology, but cannot stress enough how much you need to have open communication with your child and need to speak with them often about their technology use.

8. Open Communication. The three years of middle school might be the toughest and strangest three years of life your child goes through. They need someone they can talk to and someone they can trust. Parents are the best choice for this but trust and openness has to be established. Remember, their brains are telling them to get away and be independent, but they have so many issues and questions that need help at the same time. Don't accept "I'm okay", "Nothing.", and "I'm fine." for an answer. Get your child talking and earn that trust. You will be amazed at how great these "difficult" conversations actually are. And your relationship will become even better.

9. Beware of mental health issues. Mental health issues (if they are going to occur) usually begin with the onset of puberty. Depression, anxiety, OCD, suicidal thoughts, etc. Middle schools are seeing more and more mental health issues for a variety of reasons, one of which is that puberty is occurring earlier and earlier over the decades and this is bringing mental health issues into the age range of 10-14. So just like our teachers are learning more and more about the warning signs and symptoms of mental health issues, parents should too. And please remember....a mental health illness is just like a physical illness. It needs medical attention and CAN be cured or treated. Don't ignore it, help your child work through it and get them better.

10. Have fun. Seems weird to think about "fun" after all of these stressful items. But any middle school teacher will tell you that the reason he/she loves teaching middle school is because these kids are "fun". They really are. They will test you and they will think they hate you at times, but even in those moments you have to sit back and laugh (after they have gone to sleep or left for a friend's house) and realize that the middle school human child is a really fun species and one that you will want to spend time with and get to know and have fun with. This stage is really the last stage where your child is still a "child", so enjoy it and enjoy the ride!

   I am excited for another year of middle school and meeting all of the new students and working with all of the returning students again. And I definitely plan to have fun as well. I hope you do too!

Many Ways to Teach Kids to Code

   As the new school year approaches, I have an opportunity for the 3rd straight year to team up with our business partners at Telligen to help 30+ middle school students learn about technology and do some pretty fun and amazing things with technology through our Hyperstream club. This year, we will focus more on coding skills. So....what exactly does it mean to "code"? Coding is what makes it possible to create computer software, programs, apps, games, etc. Have you used your smart phone, tablet, or computer today? If so, it is because someone wrote code for you to do these things. And guess what? This technology and these skills are only becoming more and more in demand.

    Hmm....2020, that is when our current high school students will graduate college and when our current middle school students will graduate high school. Helping them learn the basics of coding and computer programming can set them up for success in an even larger digital world. But what if your school or your child doesn't have an opportunity to be in a technology group like Hyperstream? Well, there are great websites where they can learn to code for free. Below are a couple great resources, resources our Hyperstream club will be using this year. Have fun!

www.code.org    This site is AWESOME! Totally free, has some super-famous computer programmers supporting it, and is simple enough that my 9-year old son can work through it on his own, but difficult enough that I am challenged by it to. Basically, it is a step-by-step tutorial of what coding truly is at its most basic level and you get to complete challenges and earn trophies as you go. Here is a video explaining it better than I can.

Five IPad Apps that help learn coding skills. This blog post by Richard Byrne is a great description of some free resources that your children (and remember...even you!) can try to learn the basics of coding. I have not tested these yet, but plan to test them soon and have our students test them. Let me know what you think if you have tested them or when you test them. 

  Good luck!