7th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey

    Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!

6th Grade Needs Assessment

Students, please take the following survey by clicking "Agree" or "Disagree" for each statement. If you need help in an area, click "Agree". That help may be by offering you an invite to a group that will be working with that topic, inviting you in to speak with a counselor about the issue, or by sending you information about that topic. Either way, we want to know what our students need help with. You answers will be kept confidential with only the counselors knowing what you personally marked for answers. We will collect class data to provide to your teachers, but will not use individual names. Thank you for taking the time to do this survey and please stop in our office if you ever need help with anything!!

6th Grade Bully/Harassment Fall 2015 Survey

  Students, please take the time to answer the following 10 questions about bullying and harassment. Your answers will be kept anonymous and confidential. We want to know more about bullying and harassment in our building and hearing from students is the best way possible to do this. When finished, click the "submit" button. Thank you!

How Carving a Jack-o-Lantern is like Parenting. Seriously.

   As I started my Saturday morning with my wife under the weather and needing me to occupy the kids in some activity so they would let her sleep, my daughter suggested we carve the two large pumpkins that have sat on our kitchen floor for over a week. While my initial thought was "How come I didn't hide those so the kids would forget?", I decided that this would be a good family activity that would take a large amount of time and the kids would love it. So, perfect idea Abby! An hour later, we were done with one pumpkin and I made a funny Facebook post about how carving pumpkins is a great analogy for parenting and thought I was done. But when others agreed that this was a great analogy, I gave it more thought and I think I am on to something. The whole pumpkin carving process is truly like parenting and I came away from this morning activity appreciating my kids and the process of parenting even more. It also helped that my daughter had so much fun that she demanded to do the 2nd pumpkin all by herself while I iced my sore carving hand. :)

   So, let's start from the beginning. Going to the pumpkin patch to pick out the perfect pumpkin and then bringing it home. But you can't carve it yet, you have to also buy the special carving tools and the buy the patterns (or go online where they are free!). You have to find the perfect pattern and cut it out and get your carving station all set up. This all takes awhile, but you will be much better off if everything is ready to go before you start. Hmmm.....sounds a lot like having your first child! All the preparation, buying all the supplies and books and reading all the parenting tips and strategies, and of course getting the nursery ready for the baby's big arrival. This is the fun and exciting part, just like getting ready to carve the pumpkin is fun and exciting, especially for the other kids in your family. But at some point, it is time to start, and that is where it gets tough.

   When you start carving, you quickly realize that the hope of your pumpkin turning out like the pattern you chose is likely gone. You really have no shot at recreating what the picture shows, but that isn't a bad thing. It is still fun. But then it keeps going....and going.....and going. Your hand cramps up, a tool breaks, you realize the plastic tools you bought don't work and one might even break. You find new tools. You throw some things. You swear (only a little). You step back and look at your creation several times before convincing yourself that you can do this and you need to finish what you started. You might even watch a Youtube "How to" video (I have!) or ask someone else who has tried carving a pumpkin for some advice. Either way, this is way harder than you thought. It was so easy when you were a kid and you just cut 3 triangles and a silly mouth. Now, you are trying to cut a vampire chasing a bat in a wooded setting and the final product is suppose to look like something Da Vinci did in his prime. Yours? Not so much.

   This represents the part of parenting you are likely in right now: from birth to adulthood. It isn't as easy as it looks (trust me....I have 5 Jack-o-Lanterns at home!). The tools and books you bought don't always work and you are constantly asking for advice (and yes, likely even watching some Youtube parenting advice videos). You may throw things, you may swear, you may cry, and you may walk away to take a break. But you keep coming back because this is your creation and you need to finish what you started, even if raising your children isn't going exactly as you planned. Parenting is tough and you get tired. A lot. And it's messy...just like carving a pumpkin. But when you step back and look at it, as frustrating as it may be, it is fun and worthwhile. You learn things as you go and you get better at it and soon you are giving advice to others. Maybe the biggest difference between carving a pumpkin and parenting is you eventually finish carving the pumpkin, but you are never done parenting.

   But.....there is a time to put the pumpkin outside for others to enjoy. You put a light inside your new Jack-o-Lantern and now it is on it's own. There is a time like this for parenting too. Eventually, we need to let our kids shine their light for others to see and to be out on their own. That's the best part of the Jack-o-Lantern....getting them out into the real world with a light to show off their specialness and uniqueness and for others to enjoy. We know that from the moment we buy the pumpkin....they will eventually not be in our kitchen, but outside for others. I would like to think that the pumpkin has the same goal (maybe?).


   So what does this all mean? Well, for me, it meant to enjoy a fun family activity and had me reflecting on how many more times I will get moments like this with my kids. But it also helped me enjoy the carving process instead of dreading it. It helped me realize that even though parenting is tough and a struggle, I need to enjoy these moments, not dread some of them. It made me appreciate my final Jack-o-Lanterns because even though they weren't perfect, they were mine and they were special. And once we got a light in them and took the picture you see above, we were all pretty excited and proud. It was hard work, but fun work and our family loved the final product. It may have been a struggle, but our family is all smiles now and that is a great thing!

7th Grade Student Needs Assessment

7th Graders....please take the survey below. Your answers will be kept confidential and only viewed by our counseling staff here at the middle school. Ms. Flagor and I will review each of your answers and possibly form groups or invite you to participate in groups that focus on topics you have marked "agree" on. Regardless of your answers, we always invite you in to talk to us about any needs you have or any help you would like to receive. Even if all you need is for someone to listen.....we are here for that too! When finished with the survey, just click submit and you may log out. Thank you!

What Parents and Teens Need to Know about Sexting

What Parents Need to Know about “Sexting”

        First off, what is “Sexting”? Sexting is “the sending or receiving of sexually explicit or sexually suggestive images, messages, or video via a cell phone or the Internet”.  And many times, this can be a nude “selfie” sent to another young person. So why do middle school parents need to know about this topic? Because a recent study shows 1 in 3 teens have participated in sexting and 1 in 4 think it is a normal part of teen life. And when adults talk to teens about this issue, many times the students respond with “What’s the big deal? It is just a picture.” Well, it is a big deal. It isn’t a normal part of teen life.  And it isn’t just a picture. It can lead to low self-esteem, to bullying incidents, to harassment and exploitation, and can lead to criminal charges.

        The teen brain is more likely to take risks and engage in risky behavior AND has not yet developed the key areas that can help with decision-making and long term planning. So as adults in their lives, we must help them understand the short and long-term consequences of sending a sexually explicit photo or video. Nothing sent via text or Internet is ever really fully deleted. Those photos and videos always exist. And the countless stories of hackers gaining access to photos on phones and the Internet and distributing these around the world are just as common as teens sending the photos around to their friends. Neither are good, but both can and do happen. And that is usually the first time a teen realizes they made a mistake that they can’t take back. And these events can lead to ridicule, embarrassment, low self-esteem, depression, and possible self-harm or suicide. And depending on the state’s laws, sending AND/OR receiving these photos can lead to a lot of legal trouble. So these aren’t just “pictures”, these are life-changing situations for young people.

        What can you do? Talk with your child. Now. Explain that you understand the troubles a teen goes through with body image, self-esteem, peer pressure, and relationship pressures. Just because we didn’t grow up with all this technology doesn’t mean we didn’t have all these issues. Then explain the many dangers of sexting and help them understand the long-term consequences that can occur from just sending one photo or video (I didn’t even mention future college and career choices…these groups Google potential applicants these days!). And keep the lines of communication open. When a young person feels the external (or internal) pressure to send an explicit photo to someone else, they need to trust that they can talk to a parent about this pressure and have you help them.  It may be a tough conversation, but it is a conversation that could save their life. 

        For more resources, please visit our district counseling blog as well as the sites listed below.

District Counseling blog: www.carlislecounseling.blogspot.com

http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/2011_sexting.html#

http://ikeepsafe.org/be-a-pro/relationships/whats-wrong-with-sexting/

Carlisle Continues School-Based Therapy Program for 2015-16

     Adrienne Latoure started the school year as our district’s School-Based Licensed Mental Health Therapist. Her position will allow for students to meet with a therapist on school grounds and provide extra support for our students and families in need. Counselors will be contacting parents and making referrals for students they feel can benefit from meeting with a therapist if they are not currently meeting with a therapist outside of our school system. Parents can also contact their child’s school counselor if they feel their child could benefit from this service. Carlisle counselors are excited to partner with Adrienne to better serve the socioemotional needs of our students. Please contact the schoolcounselor in your child’s building if you have questions. Thank you!

Carlisle Community School Counselors & Interventionist

Leah Heidemann & Traci Lee (High School)  989-0831

Ben Barry & Kim Flagor (Middle School)  989-0833

Kim Flagor (Hartford)  989-0316

Jane Phillips & Matt Berryhill (Elementary) 989-0339

6th Grade Minute Meetings!

Welcome 6th graders to Carlisle Middle School! Today, you will spend 1 minute with me. In that time, I will introduce myself, talk about what I do and where you can find me, and then you will answer these 4 quick questions. By the end of the day, I will have met all 143 6th graders! Have a great week!

Back to School Anxiety Support and Resources

With school starting up for staff later this week and students next Wednesday (with Kindergarten and Pre-school after that), anxiety within our body may start to rise. I know it does with me every year and I've been doing this as my career for awhile! Anxiety is natural and normal. Some of us have very little and some of us have a lot. And it depends on the situation. But school, homework, testing, friendships, social skills, teachers, etc. all can cause different levels of anxiety. And nearly all of these scenarios are thrown at students on the first day. So how do you prepare your child (or even yourself) for this first day and each day afterwards? Here are some great resources to review.

Anxiety BC has a lot of great ideas....click here!

Child Parenting also has some great and similar ideas....click here!

And Family Education has some ideas on how specifically to talk to your children about their possible anxieties....click here!

Two Week Warning! School is Just TWO Weeks Away! Here's What to Do Now.

      I had hoped to put this out right at 8:00 a.m. this morning, but even I am still a little slow due to summer. But I need to pick it up because in 2 weeks, over 2000 students will be in our buildings and we need to be on our "A" game. And so do students. With teachers doing curriculum work, getting their rooms ready, and checking in and out periodically over the last two weeks and officially reporting next week, it reminded me that this is a great time to start preparing my own kids to start getting into school mode. This does not mean I am putting them through school work from 8 to 3 everyday (we are even spending all day tomorrow at Adventureland!), but it does means some changes are happening around our house so that our kids are physically and mentally ready for school on the morning of August 26th. Here are some quick and easy things to consider doing to make the transition back to school easier and more successful. 



       Bedtimes! Number 1 complaint I hear from parents about the first day of school is trying to get their kids out of bed. Trust me, I would be a grumpy counselor if I woke up at my 6 a.m. alarm for the first time in 3 months on the first day of school. That is why I have been setting my alarm for 6 a.m. since the beginning of August. I don't always make it out of bed at that time and the snooze button does get hit a few times, but I am trying and my body is slowly getting used to these efforts. But even more important than the wake up time is the time you go to bed. If your kids have been on "summer time" and going to bed around 9 or 10 when they usually go to bed around 8, now is the time to transition back. I had heard once that it takes about 2 weeks for a teenager to fully recover from one night of unusual sleep (think staying up to 3 a.m. at a sleepover). Hmm....2 weeks? That makes it even more important to start getting into your school bed and wake up time routine now. The mind will be fresh and ready on that first day of school. If this is a huge change, have a goal to get your kids in bed at the school bed time and let them read or draw until their mind is more relaxed and falling asleep will be easier. Speaking of.....



       Now is the time to read!! I'm not talking just to the students who have required reading, but to all students. Doesn't matter the age, reading for pleasure will help in all areas. And it will help their mind wind down after a long and fun summer day. The older the student, the more reading they are going to be doing in each subject area. So getting your child in the habit of daily reading for 20 minutes or more will help them prepare for the reading that the school day and homework will bring. Even better? Have your child read to you and you read to them. Take turns. You can listen and help where they might make mistakes and they can listen to you to hear how you work through words and how you start, pause, and stop at certain points and inflection and emotion you have in your voice. Who knows.....maybe they will fall asleep when you are reading!! (Not a bad thing....this is a good thing!) 




      How about some math? Science? Social Studies? Yes, these are all good too. The trick is to do some each day without your child noticing they are doing "school work". Go to garage sales and give them some money to budget and spend. Maybe give them only coins so they have to do a little more math. Start looking at possible vacation ideas for next year and have them come up with some ideas as long as they plan how to get there and what you would do. Go for a walk on a bike trail or in the woods and enjoy nature. Go fishing! Go grocery shopping and have your child estimate how much you are spending on everything in your cart. Have your child pick all the back to school items and add up how much it costs. Watch the news together and discuss world events and politics. Add National Geographic or Ranger Rick or Time for Kids to their "for fun" reading at night. All of these ideas get a little more science, math, or social studies into their daily life. The key is to let them explore and learn and talk with them as they do these things. Get to know what they are thinking and how they are solving problems. The more you know about how your child learns, the better you will be able to help them when they get stuck. By the way, as a bonus, as a former science teacher, the Internet has tons of fun science experiments that use basic kitchen materials. My kids love these types of things. And I didn't even mention crafts and creative art things you can do. The options for fun (and educational) ideas are virtually endless! 


    

     These three ideas are the ideas that jump out as me as the most important things you can do to get a jump start on school. Of course you have to mix in some back to school shopping, a trip to the State Fair, and one last time at the pool, I-Cubs game, or Adventureland as well I am sure. But school will start in two weeks and the more prepared your child's mind and body is for that transition, the better start he/she will have. And good starts lead to good years. And a good year (actually a great year) is what we are all hoping for this year. See you in 2 weeks!

Best Video Explaining the Teenage Brain

  I have used this video in the coaching classes I teach through Drake and AEA in order to better help adult coaches understand what is going on inside the brain of a teenager. And the part I find the most fascinating is that we are just now learning all of this and are continuing to learn more. The brain is nowhere near fully understood but we have learned a lot the past decade or more. This guy talks fast and the video is fast-paced, but if you listen closely, you will be fascinated by what you learned. And you will begin to understand your teenager a lot better. Enjoy!

My Oldest Child is Headed to Middle School (or Becoming a Teenager)....Time to Panic!! Or Enjoy It?

Before you reach for the "Panic Button", consider reaching for the "Don't Panic Button". Seriously, it is an okay option. And it might actually make this transition easier on everyone! Some of this is just my own self-talk because I am right there with you. I have five children and my oldest child is starting middle school (in my building!) in just 3 weeks. I admit, I am in a little bit of a panic mode on the inside, but maybe if I read this blog post that I am writing, I will realize that everything will be okay. I will survive the Ups and Downs of middle school just like my son will. And when it is all said and done, I will realize that my son and I are better because of them. So if you can't panic, what can you do? Well, here is a few pieces of advice that I have come up with.


 1. Seriously....don't panic! Why not? Because as your child gets older, they continue to mimic the human behavior that is immediately around them. And when they hit the hormonal changes of adolescence, their brains and bodies may not be able to keep all of that emotion inside. And when it comes out, if you react and panic and get emotional, they will escalate their behavior even more. Be the calm in their life. There will be rough days an exciting days and what your child needs most from you on most days is for you to be the calm, listening, reassuring person in their life. Trust me....it isn't going to be their adolescent friends most times. So, don't panic with each mini-crisis, stay calm and help them calm down to your level.



 2. Communicate with your new middle school child or teenager. I know, I know...teens don't like to talk. But that is more of a myth than anything. Teens love to hear their own voice. It is just their brains are starting to tell them to be independent and not to rely on their parents all the time. You won't be needed to solve all of their problems anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't ask about their day and how things are going. And when you communicate, plan your questions so they can't just answer it with one word. And if they try....don't settle. Communication is going to be key to your child becoming an adult and if you let the communication door close in 6th or 7th grade, it may be tough to get it back open. And trust me, difficult conversations will need to be had at some point in your relationship with your child and these are much easier if you have been talking and communicating daily before the tough talk needs to happen.


 3. Stay involved. Sure middle school gets confusing for the parent just as it does for the child with the number of teachers your child has jumping to a dozen or more and the homework they bring home starting to test your adult brain (it's okay to not understand the math problems or how electricity works in a circuit!), but that doesn't mean you should pull away. Your child still needs you to help with homework and to check their homework. And when they see you struggle (and sometimes fail!!), they will know it is okay to struggle and to sometimes fail. It is about the process and how you react to the process. And if something isn't going well, contact the teacher, contact the school, contact the counselor. Or encourage your child to do these things as well and become their own advocate for their learning and development. And attend their concerts, their games, their activities. Get excited about what they are doing each and every day. Your attitude about middle school will influence their attitude....so show them how exciting and fun it can be!



 4. Get ready for and actually have difficult conversations. Whether it be about drugs, love, sex, bullying, peer pressure, body image, mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts, or whatever, don't shy away from these talks. They probably won't make it through middle school (and later high school) without having to make some tough decisions in these areas and how scary would it be to go through this alone. But most kids won't just bring up these topics with you, so you are going to have to do a little work to find out if a big issue is weighing on them. One way is by remember #2: Keep communicating! If you keep communicating, these topics will come up a little more naturally and a little easier. And the other way to always keep your ears and eyes open. They will give you clues because they usually want to talk to someone about these things. Look for changes in behavior, attitude, or habits. When you see these, find some 1-on-1 time and try to see what is up. They may not let it out the first time, but if you keep allowing for some 1-on-1 time, if there is something bothering them, it will come out eventually. And don't hesitate to contact me if I can help.



 5. Okay, I'll stop at 5 things. But this one is important. Balance Structure and Independence. This is a tough one, but I cannot stress enough how much middle school students and teens really do crave structure. They will never admit it, but they love it. This is a time to slowly give your child their independence (little by little), but this is not a time to give up on structure and rules. Bedtimes, curfews, rules on technology, limits on technology, language, boundaries, etc. are all still needed. If you have a good amount of structure, it will eliminate many of the big issues listed in #4. And the smaller issues that come up is a good time to help them be independent as they can usually work through those issues on their own. But the more structure you get rid of at a time period when their brains are only half developed, the more risk that creeps into their young lives. And risk is not a good thing in a teen's life (see future video) because they cannot evaluate and decide on risks very well at this point in their life. And remember, they may fight you on the structure you put into place, but you are the parent and they are the child and deep-down, they are thankful for it.



 I may have to read this several times this year to remind myself about my own child going through the middle school experience. From being in a middle school every day for the past seven years, I know every child will have some rough days. But I also know every child will have so many good, fun, awesome, exciting days as well. My son keeps thinking I am weird for being so excited for this year. Some of it is so he doesn't see me panic, but most of it is because I truly know he will have an exciting three years. And whether he likes it or not, my wife and I are going to be going through this journey with him.