7th Grade Student Needs Assessment

7th Graders....please take the survey below. Your answers will be kept confidential and only viewed by our counseling staff here at the middle school. Ms. Flagor and I will review each of your answers and possibly form groups or invite you to participate in groups that focus on topics you have marked "agree" on. Regardless of your answers, we always invite you in to talk to us about any needs you have or any help you would like to receive. Even if all you need is for someone to listen.....we are here for that too! When finished with the survey, just click submit and you may log out. Thank you!

What Parents and Teens Need to Know about Sexting

What Parents Need to Know about “Sexting”

        First off, what is “Sexting”? Sexting is “the sending or receiving of sexually explicit or sexually suggestive images, messages, or video via a cell phone or the Internet”.  And many times, this can be a nude “selfie” sent to another young person. So why do middle school parents need to know about this topic? Because a recent study shows 1 in 3 teens have participated in sexting and 1 in 4 think it is a normal part of teen life. And when adults talk to teens about this issue, many times the students respond with “What’s the big deal? It is just a picture.” Well, it is a big deal. It isn’t a normal part of teen life.  And it isn’t just a picture. It can lead to low self-esteem, to bullying incidents, to harassment and exploitation, and can lead to criminal charges.

        The teen brain is more likely to take risks and engage in risky behavior AND has not yet developed the key areas that can help with decision-making and long term planning. So as adults in their lives, we must help them understand the short and long-term consequences of sending a sexually explicit photo or video. Nothing sent via text or Internet is ever really fully deleted. Those photos and videos always exist. And the countless stories of hackers gaining access to photos on phones and the Internet and distributing these around the world are just as common as teens sending the photos around to their friends. Neither are good, but both can and do happen. And that is usually the first time a teen realizes they made a mistake that they can’t take back. And these events can lead to ridicule, embarrassment, low self-esteem, depression, and possible self-harm or suicide. And depending on the state’s laws, sending AND/OR receiving these photos can lead to a lot of legal trouble. So these aren’t just “pictures”, these are life-changing situations for young people.

        What can you do? Talk with your child. Now. Explain that you understand the troubles a teen goes through with body image, self-esteem, peer pressure, and relationship pressures. Just because we didn’t grow up with all this technology doesn’t mean we didn’t have all these issues. Then explain the many dangers of sexting and help them understand the long-term consequences that can occur from just sending one photo or video (I didn’t even mention future college and career choices…these groups Google potential applicants these days!). And keep the lines of communication open. When a young person feels the external (or internal) pressure to send an explicit photo to someone else, they need to trust that they can talk to a parent about this pressure and have you help them.  It may be a tough conversation, but it is a conversation that could save their life. 

        For more resources, please visit our district counseling blog as well as the sites listed below.

District Counseling blog: www.carlislecounseling.blogspot.com

http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/2011_sexting.html#

http://ikeepsafe.org/be-a-pro/relationships/whats-wrong-with-sexting/

Carlisle Continues School-Based Therapy Program for 2015-16

     Adrienne Latoure started the school year as our district’s School-Based Licensed Mental Health Therapist. Her position will allow for students to meet with a therapist on school grounds and provide extra support for our students and families in need. Counselors will be contacting parents and making referrals for students they feel can benefit from meeting with a therapist if they are not currently meeting with a therapist outside of our school system. Parents can also contact their child’s school counselor if they feel their child could benefit from this service. Carlisle counselors are excited to partner with Adrienne to better serve the socioemotional needs of our students. Please contact the schoolcounselor in your child’s building if you have questions. Thank you!

Carlisle Community School Counselors & Interventionist

Leah Heidemann & Traci Lee (High School)  989-0831

Ben Barry & Kim Flagor (Middle School)  989-0833

Kim Flagor (Hartford)  989-0316

Jane Phillips & Matt Berryhill (Elementary) 989-0339

6th Grade Minute Meetings!

Welcome 6th graders to Carlisle Middle School! Today, you will spend 1 minute with me. In that time, I will introduce myself, talk about what I do and where you can find me, and then you will answer these 4 quick questions. By the end of the day, I will have met all 143 6th graders! Have a great week!

Back to School Anxiety Support and Resources

With school starting up for staff later this week and students next Wednesday (with Kindergarten and Pre-school after that), anxiety within our body may start to rise. I know it does with me every year and I've been doing this as my career for awhile! Anxiety is natural and normal. Some of us have very little and some of us have a lot. And it depends on the situation. But school, homework, testing, friendships, social skills, teachers, etc. all can cause different levels of anxiety. And nearly all of these scenarios are thrown at students on the first day. So how do you prepare your child (or even yourself) for this first day and each day afterwards? Here are some great resources to review.

Anxiety BC has a lot of great ideas....click here!

Child Parenting also has some great and similar ideas....click here!

And Family Education has some ideas on how specifically to talk to your children about their possible anxieties....click here!

Two Week Warning! School is Just TWO Weeks Away! Here's What to Do Now.

      I had hoped to put this out right at 8:00 a.m. this morning, but even I am still a little slow due to summer. But I need to pick it up because in 2 weeks, over 2000 students will be in our buildings and we need to be on our "A" game. And so do students. With teachers doing curriculum work, getting their rooms ready, and checking in and out periodically over the last two weeks and officially reporting next week, it reminded me that this is a great time to start preparing my own kids to start getting into school mode. This does not mean I am putting them through school work from 8 to 3 everyday (we are even spending all day tomorrow at Adventureland!), but it does means some changes are happening around our house so that our kids are physically and mentally ready for school on the morning of August 26th. Here are some quick and easy things to consider doing to make the transition back to school easier and more successful. 



       Bedtimes! Number 1 complaint I hear from parents about the first day of school is trying to get their kids out of bed. Trust me, I would be a grumpy counselor if I woke up at my 6 a.m. alarm for the first time in 3 months on the first day of school. That is why I have been setting my alarm for 6 a.m. since the beginning of August. I don't always make it out of bed at that time and the snooze button does get hit a few times, but I am trying and my body is slowly getting used to these efforts. But even more important than the wake up time is the time you go to bed. If your kids have been on "summer time" and going to bed around 9 or 10 when they usually go to bed around 8, now is the time to transition back. I had heard once that it takes about 2 weeks for a teenager to fully recover from one night of unusual sleep (think staying up to 3 a.m. at a sleepover). Hmm....2 weeks? That makes it even more important to start getting into your school bed and wake up time routine now. The mind will be fresh and ready on that first day of school. If this is a huge change, have a goal to get your kids in bed at the school bed time and let them read or draw until their mind is more relaxed and falling asleep will be easier. Speaking of.....



       Now is the time to read!! I'm not talking just to the students who have required reading, but to all students. Doesn't matter the age, reading for pleasure will help in all areas. And it will help their mind wind down after a long and fun summer day. The older the student, the more reading they are going to be doing in each subject area. So getting your child in the habit of daily reading for 20 minutes or more will help them prepare for the reading that the school day and homework will bring. Even better? Have your child read to you and you read to them. Take turns. You can listen and help where they might make mistakes and they can listen to you to hear how you work through words and how you start, pause, and stop at certain points and inflection and emotion you have in your voice. Who knows.....maybe they will fall asleep when you are reading!! (Not a bad thing....this is a good thing!) 




      How about some math? Science? Social Studies? Yes, these are all good too. The trick is to do some each day without your child noticing they are doing "school work". Go to garage sales and give them some money to budget and spend. Maybe give them only coins so they have to do a little more math. Start looking at possible vacation ideas for next year and have them come up with some ideas as long as they plan how to get there and what you would do. Go for a walk on a bike trail or in the woods and enjoy nature. Go fishing! Go grocery shopping and have your child estimate how much you are spending on everything in your cart. Have your child pick all the back to school items and add up how much it costs. Watch the news together and discuss world events and politics. Add National Geographic or Ranger Rick or Time for Kids to their "for fun" reading at night. All of these ideas get a little more science, math, or social studies into their daily life. The key is to let them explore and learn and talk with them as they do these things. Get to know what they are thinking and how they are solving problems. The more you know about how your child learns, the better you will be able to help them when they get stuck. By the way, as a bonus, as a former science teacher, the Internet has tons of fun science experiments that use basic kitchen materials. My kids love these types of things. And I didn't even mention crafts and creative art things you can do. The options for fun (and educational) ideas are virtually endless! 


    

     These three ideas are the ideas that jump out as me as the most important things you can do to get a jump start on school. Of course you have to mix in some back to school shopping, a trip to the State Fair, and one last time at the pool, I-Cubs game, or Adventureland as well I am sure. But school will start in two weeks and the more prepared your child's mind and body is for that transition, the better start he/she will have. And good starts lead to good years. And a good year (actually a great year) is what we are all hoping for this year. See you in 2 weeks!

Best Video Explaining the Teenage Brain

  I have used this video in the coaching classes I teach through Drake and AEA in order to better help adult coaches understand what is going on inside the brain of a teenager. And the part I find the most fascinating is that we are just now learning all of this and are continuing to learn more. The brain is nowhere near fully understood but we have learned a lot the past decade or more. This guy talks fast and the video is fast-paced, but if you listen closely, you will be fascinated by what you learned. And you will begin to understand your teenager a lot better. Enjoy!

My Oldest Child is Headed to Middle School (or Becoming a Teenager)....Time to Panic!! Or Enjoy It?

Before you reach for the "Panic Button", consider reaching for the "Don't Panic Button". Seriously, it is an okay option. And it might actually make this transition easier on everyone! Some of this is just my own self-talk because I am right there with you. I have five children and my oldest child is starting middle school (in my building!) in just 3 weeks. I admit, I am in a little bit of a panic mode on the inside, but maybe if I read this blog post that I am writing, I will realize that everything will be okay. I will survive the Ups and Downs of middle school just like my son will. And when it is all said and done, I will realize that my son and I are better because of them. So if you can't panic, what can you do? Well, here is a few pieces of advice that I have come up with.


 1. Seriously....don't panic! Why not? Because as your child gets older, they continue to mimic the human behavior that is immediately around them. And when they hit the hormonal changes of adolescence, their brains and bodies may not be able to keep all of that emotion inside. And when it comes out, if you react and panic and get emotional, they will escalate their behavior even more. Be the calm in their life. There will be rough days an exciting days and what your child needs most from you on most days is for you to be the calm, listening, reassuring person in their life. Trust me....it isn't going to be their adolescent friends most times. So, don't panic with each mini-crisis, stay calm and help them calm down to your level.



 2. Communicate with your new middle school child or teenager. I know, I know...teens don't like to talk. But that is more of a myth than anything. Teens love to hear their own voice. It is just their brains are starting to tell them to be independent and not to rely on their parents all the time. You won't be needed to solve all of their problems anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't ask about their day and how things are going. And when you communicate, plan your questions so they can't just answer it with one word. And if they try....don't settle. Communication is going to be key to your child becoming an adult and if you let the communication door close in 6th or 7th grade, it may be tough to get it back open. And trust me, difficult conversations will need to be had at some point in your relationship with your child and these are much easier if you have been talking and communicating daily before the tough talk needs to happen.


 3. Stay involved. Sure middle school gets confusing for the parent just as it does for the child with the number of teachers your child has jumping to a dozen or more and the homework they bring home starting to test your adult brain (it's okay to not understand the math problems or how electricity works in a circuit!), but that doesn't mean you should pull away. Your child still needs you to help with homework and to check their homework. And when they see you struggle (and sometimes fail!!), they will know it is okay to struggle and to sometimes fail. It is about the process and how you react to the process. And if something isn't going well, contact the teacher, contact the school, contact the counselor. Or encourage your child to do these things as well and become their own advocate for their learning and development. And attend their concerts, their games, their activities. Get excited about what they are doing each and every day. Your attitude about middle school will influence their attitude....so show them how exciting and fun it can be!



 4. Get ready for and actually have difficult conversations. Whether it be about drugs, love, sex, bullying, peer pressure, body image, mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts, or whatever, don't shy away from these talks. They probably won't make it through middle school (and later high school) without having to make some tough decisions in these areas and how scary would it be to go through this alone. But most kids won't just bring up these topics with you, so you are going to have to do a little work to find out if a big issue is weighing on them. One way is by remember #2: Keep communicating! If you keep communicating, these topics will come up a little more naturally and a little easier. And the other way to always keep your ears and eyes open. They will give you clues because they usually want to talk to someone about these things. Look for changes in behavior, attitude, or habits. When you see these, find some 1-on-1 time and try to see what is up. They may not let it out the first time, but if you keep allowing for some 1-on-1 time, if there is something bothering them, it will come out eventually. And don't hesitate to contact me if I can help.



 5. Okay, I'll stop at 5 things. But this one is important. Balance Structure and Independence. This is a tough one, but I cannot stress enough how much middle school students and teens really do crave structure. They will never admit it, but they love it. This is a time to slowly give your child their independence (little by little), but this is not a time to give up on structure and rules. Bedtimes, curfews, rules on technology, limits on technology, language, boundaries, etc. are all still needed. If you have a good amount of structure, it will eliminate many of the big issues listed in #4. And the smaller issues that come up is a good time to help them be independent as they can usually work through those issues on their own. But the more structure you get rid of at a time period when their brains are only half developed, the more risk that creeps into their young lives. And risk is not a good thing in a teen's life (see future video) because they cannot evaluate and decide on risks very well at this point in their life. And remember, they may fight you on the structure you put into place, but you are the parent and they are the child and deep-down, they are thankful for it.



 I may have to read this several times this year to remind myself about my own child going through the middle school experience. From being in a middle school every day for the past seven years, I know every child will have some rough days. But I also know every child will have so many good, fun, awesome, exciting days as well. My son keeps thinking I am weird for being so excited for this year. Some of it is so he doesn't see me panic, but most of it is because I truly know he will have an exciting three years. And whether he likes it or not, my wife and I are going to be going through this journey with him.

4th Grade Bully/Harassment Survey: Spring 2015

Students, please take time to answer the following 10 questions about your experiences in Hartford Upper Elementary the past 7 school days. Be as honest as possible as the survey is anonymous and the data is extremely important for us to understand what the student experience is like when it comes to bullying and harassment issues. Click Submit when you are finished and begin on today's assignment.

Resources for Dealing with and Talking about Depression and Suicide with Your Children

   In talking with some of the leaders in the Urbandale school district, they have provided me with a variety of resources on the topics of depression, self-harm, and suicide. I have placed some of these resources, along with other resources I have come across, in the space below. Please take some time to view them as there is some great advice on warning signs in your own children and how to talk to your children about your concerns.

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education website has a huge list of information to review. Plenty of other links down the side as well.

Not necessarily a tip or resource for parents and guardians, but Facebook has a really, really cool feature that they are rolling out this week. Hopefully other social networks will update their sites with a similar feature. Click here to read about it.


The National Institute of Mental Health has a ton of resources on suicide as well. In fact, when it comes to any topic concerning mental health, visit their website for more information.

And our local affiliate of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI Greater Des Moines, is also a great resource on all things Mental Health related. Here is a link to an easy to read "what to do/what not to do" chart when it comes to talking with people about suicide.


And maybe the most important information is the suicide hotline number. Anyone can call it. A person could call it just to talk. A person could call out of concern for another. Anyone.

National Hotline number: 1-800-273-8255

You can also dial 2-1-1 to get United Way's hotline number for information, counseling, and crisis line.

If You Do Five Things with your Child: Talking with Your Child about Depression and Suicide

   

   This is some advice I have used before with parents and groups that I have spoken to when it comes to dealing with teens and/or your own children and the issue of self-harm and suicide.


1.  Communicate with your child and build a relationship of trust that will allow them to openly come to you when they are having depressive or suicidal thoughts and feelings. 

2.     Do not judge. Do not get mad. A local college student who travels around talking to young people told us at a workshop that the turning point in his life was when his mom walked in while he was cutting and she did not get angry. She took the razor and said “You need help. I am here to help. I love you. Now….let’s go get help.”. Saved his life, changed his life.

3.       Watch for signs of depression.  And address it when you see it. Mental health “injuries” and “sickness” are just like physical injuries and sickness. Seek medical help and support.

4.       Get other eyes on your child. You can’t watch them all of the time, but let their coach, counselor, principal, teacher know. And partner with these people.

5.       Love.  Sounds so simple, but love with your words. Love with your actions. Love with your closeness, your hugs, your touch.

College Visit on March 25th!! What College Do You Want to Visit??

 All 8th grade students need to take this survey. We will try to get as many students to the first school of their choice as possible. Thank you!