More Bullying Resources

As much as I study, I am not an expert on bullying, so I will make one of my final blog posts on bullying by directing you to a great blog by an expert on bullying: Naomi Drew. She is an author of 7 books including her most recent book: "No Kidding About Bullying". I now subscribe to her blog and have it sent to my Google Reader account and suggest for you to do this too if you want good information and tips on bullying, cyberbullying, etc. If you get a spare moment, check out her blog at "Naomi Drew".

Thanks Naomi for your books and all the educational work you do!

SAP is Here to Help Our Students

This week, I am speaking with students about our SAP (Student Assistance Program) services. Our district helps to provide up to 5 FREE counseling sessions through the SAP during the year when a student has an issue they feel they need counseling for and want more than just the school can offer. Many parents have something similar through their workplace. In fact, all Carlisle employees have this service as well except it is called EAP (Employee Assistance Program). Your child and you might even qualify together through the school's offering if your child is struggling with a family issue. Visits to their office and phone calls to their hotline number are completely confidential and no school employee ever learns who uses these services and who doesn't; we just get numbers each month on how many students and employees use the service. To learn more about this great FREE service, click on their website: Student Assistance Program

New and Scary "Look-a-like" Drugs to Watch Out For!

Along with a few counselors from our district and our superintendent, I attended a recent early morning forum on protecting the youth of Warren County from drugs and alcohol. With Red Ribbon Week coming right up, this is a hot topic and I will be posting several different pieces that I learned from the brief forum. I plan to also do some follow up work and possibly serve on a committee to learn more to better understand how I can use my role as a school counselor to help our youth avoid drugs and alcohol.

The first piece I want to share is the scary new drugs and alcohol that kids might be using and we don't even know it. The reason why is because the items look just like regular items.

Look at this picture or click on it to see the full view of a variety of energy drinks. Do you know which ones contain alcohol?

Now, click here to find the answer. Hint....5 of the 10 shown had alcohol! Some store workers don't even know this and they accidentally sell the items to minors sometimes? When it asks for age, some clerks have said they thought it was just an error because the drink was an energy drink and they click through that screen and sell it anyway! Scary Stuff!

Now, even scarier is what the trend is with tobacco products. Take a look at the picture below.

Do you think adults can tell the difference between tobacco and a mint and which one a kid is using? Can parents? Can teachers? Can little kids? What happens if a kid, maybe even my child, finds some of the tablets on the right on the ground and thinks it is a mint. My kids love mints! But these mints could mess up a small child's body pretty quickly.

And what about the new tobacco pouches that you put in your mouth or in your lip? Sure, these new products are smokeless, but the marketing and packaging is aiming for young people and trying to get them hooked....

These products are in the stores now and are being marketed directly to our young adults and even kids. What may have started out as ways to get around the public smoking laws has quickly turned into how can we make these products cool so that kids will want to have them, carry them, and use them. And I bet they also thought...how could we make them so others may not notice that a kid is using them. As a parent, a counselor, and an educator, I feel the rapidly changing technology is just as rapid with drugs and we need to stay a step ahead of it at all times if we can. Education is where is starts, so help me educate others about these new drugs and start the discussion with your kids.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Some of our counselors recently attended the monthly Warren County "family care team" meeting and brought back a newsletter about Warren County's work in the area of domestic violence. I have copy/pasted some of the information below as I feel it might be useful. I have also included some upcoming events and meetings that some parents may be interested in. Remember, if you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who is, please contact a person you can talk to and feel safe to talk to. You do not need to handle an issue like this alone....there are people out there who can help.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from one single day, called the “Day of Unity.” The Day of Unity was conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence in October of 1981, and continues to be celebrated on the first Monday of October. The intent of the Day of Unity was to empower domestic violence advocates across the nation, who were united with a passion to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became a week devoted to a wide range of activities at local, State and National levels.

Six years later, in October of 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. However, an even bigger accomplishment was reached in 1989 when the U.S. Congress passed legislation designating, and labeling, the month of October as the official National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Legislation continues year in and year out, bring

awareness to the ongoing struggle of combating violence occurring everyday within our communities. With national organizations, such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, leading the way, this legislation will continue to get passed annually.

Sixteen Years of the Violence Against Women Act

More than a hundred advocates and college students from around the country gathered at the home of Vice President Biden to mark the 16th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). The Vice President spoke passionately about his ongoing commitment to ending violence against women and girls and the next steps we must take to change societal attitudes about violence,

Written and championed by then-Senator Biden, VAWA focused on improving the criminal justice response to domestic violence, stalking, and sexual assault. Since 1994, VAWA has sent 4 billion dollars to states and local communities to develop specialized law enforcement units, provide services to victims, improve prosecution of these crimes, and train professionals about domestic violence and sexual assault. In many ways, VAWA has been successful. Since the passage of the Act, domestic violence has dropped by 58% In spite of all this progress, we still have much work to do. Three women still die every day at the hands of husbands or boyfriends. Domestic violence causes two million injuries a year and untold amounts of human suffering. Domestic violence shelters are still full, hotlines are ringing, and for every victim who has come forward, many more are suffering alone.

---Originally posted in Warren County Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Are you in an Abusive Relationship?

How do you know if you are, or potentially could be, in an abusive

relationship?

Please read the following list of the top ten signs you may be in an abusive relationship.

Your partner is continually jealous

They are controlling of your behavior

Your partner portrays himself/herself as the victim

They are emotionally unavailable to your needs

They hold unrealistic expectations for you

Your partner isolates you from everyone and everything

They are extremely sensitive and believe everything you say to be a negative criticism

Your partner exhibits odd sexual behavior

They don‟t allow you have your own thoughts

Your partner abuses alcohol or drugs

This is not an all inclusive list of warning signs. Each abusive relationship differs, however, if you notice one or more of these signs present, please call the Iowa Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-942-0333 or the local crisis line at 515-243-6147.

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Bullying: What Can a Parent Do?

Bullying and some of its ultimate worst-case scenario outcomes like suicide have been in the news almost daily. And when something is in the news, people start talking about it and asking questions. Over my weekend, I try to read up on blogs and news that I follow online and came across a great blog post about what parents can do to help their children if they are being bullied. I have posted a link below. I have also listed some of my opinions and ideas on the matter of bullying and what a parent can do.

1. Communicate. This HAS to be the #1 way to solve and help most problems, but especially in the case of bullying. As parents, we need to communicate with our children about their day, their friends, their events, and anything else we can think of. But it takes work so that your child knows you are not out to invade their privacy, but simply want to know more about their life and how you can help if they are having problems. Kids need to learn to be independent, but when it comes to being a victim of bullying, this is when teamwork and parental and school support is needed.

2. Strategize and Brainstorm. If you find out your child is being bullied and your child opens up to you, start working on strategies and ideas to help avoid, limit, and end the bullying. Lots of ideas and strategies are needed because several may not work. The one problem with this idea is that bullying has changed a lot since we were young. Bullying is now more and more done using technology and some strategies of our generation no longer work.

3. Tell adults who interact with your child. Don't wait until it gets too bad and the problem gets out of hand...tell someone. It could be the counselor (me!), the principal, or even the teachers or your child's friend. The school can help, doctors can help, friends can help. Bullies struggle to operate when others know what they are doing. I'm not saying everyone has to know, but having some extra eyes observe the situation can help. And in our school's case, we can get these things documented and disciplinary actions can be taken if they are needed.

4. If it is Cyber, print, save, file, etc. If bullying is online, through a text, on a website, or any other version of technology, print these messages. Even if they happen at home, they still affect your child and their school performance and having these hurtful things saved and printed can be useful to the school officials should the problem get worse and cause school-related problems. And this is a reminder about why bullying is such a problem nowadays....it can happen 24 hours a day! Again, I have worked with students who have received bullying texts at 3 or 4 a.m. in the morning! The other thing a parent can do when it comes to cyber-bullying is simply monitor your child's use of technology. Again, not saying you have to read every text or email they send, but there is nothing an 11, 12, or 13-year old should be saying in a text or email that a parent shouldn't see. And kids can go online on many devices, but they can't go online in private if all those devices are in a central area of the house....including their cell phone!

So, that is a lot to take it, but it is important. Our nation and our schools have seen a spike in suicides that have been linked to relentless bullying and it has to stop. It stops when schools educate, parents monitor and care for their children, and friends stick up for each other and understand that technology can be pretty damaging if they don't think about how they are using it. As a counselor, I am sickened by the stories I have been reading and hearing and I so badly want the pain and suffering of the victims of bullying to stop, but I know I am just one piece of the bullying solution puzzle. For more information, read this blog post about what parents can do:

What Parents can do

More Cyber-bullying and Threats Lead to Suicides

As a counselor, I am again saddened by another case of online bullying, embarrassment, and harrassment lead to a young person committing suicide. The case I am speaking of is the case of Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers University freshman who committed suicide last week after being outed as a homosexual by use of online video and webcast. The two students, one was his roommate, who were behind the outing of this student have been charged with crimes related to posting of the video and harrassment. And the story has again brought the idea of bullying, cyber-bullying, the use of technology to humiliate and harass others to the point where a young person thinks the best option is to take their own life.

Even as a middle school counselor for only 2 years, I have worked with countless students on the issues of bullying, cyber-bullying, and suicide ideation. Recent Iowa Youth Survey data shows that roughly 11% of our 8th graders have made a plan to commit suicide or have attempted suicide. This could be due data in that same survey that shows that roughly 50% of our 6th and 8th graders feel they have been bullied in the past year. Both of these numbers are way too high and having conversations, discussions, and information given to this age-group both at school and home is constantly needed.

The only question I get from parents sometimes is "why is bullying so different nowadays? why so different because it is online or using technology?". Those are valid questions because I remember bullying when I grew up and it was bad....but not so bad that I thought of suicide. I doubt my friends considered suicide either. But what is different is that bullying ended when we went home, it wasn't constant. Now, I meet with students who get texts about them, their body, or their beliefs forwarded around all day. One student I met with last year even got several texts after 2 a.m.....on school night! With almost 80% of our middle school students on a social network site such as Facebook, again the bullying and taunting can be 24-hours a day. And if you think "well, just quit Facebook or that site", well, good idea in theory, but those networks are that students "social network" and quitting that site means isolation and loneliness for that student, two things that can lead to depression and suicide. As you can see, online bullying or bullying using technology can be constant and way worse than the bullying we grew up with. And the solutions are not simple. The best solution is discussing these issues with your child, schools discussing it with their students, and students learning "digital citizenship" which means knowing how to be a good citizen when using our rapidly changing technology. If one more student dies due to an issue like this, it will be too many....we must act to solve this problem now. And the solution starts with all of us.

Link to long USA Today article about this latest case of online harassment leading to suicide.

"Smart Discipline" Night for Parents on November 15th

Parents: A great opportunity is available to all parents in our district and it is coming up next month. Our elementary counselors have worked hard to set up a great night where parents can learn more about Smart Discipline by the author and speaker Larry Koenig. He is coming to Carlisle on November 15th and will be speaking in the High School Auditorium. We will be hosting a dinner from 5:30-6:00 p.m. that night with his talk about his program called Smart Discipline to follow. Books and materials will be available for purchase but the rest is free to attend (the dinner is Free Will Offering). Even free childcare will be provided!

Larry Koenig and his program has been featured on PBS, NPR, and in People and Parents magazine. His program is designed to help parents use a set discipline method with their children so that the kids develop positive attitudes, listen to their parents, and enjoy each other instead of arguing all the time. Due to Larry's message, he is in high-demand and we ask that interested parents pre-register so we can plan numbers for food, childcare, and seating arrangements. If you are interested, please call Julie Nation at 989-5327 or email Julie at julie.long@carlisle.k12.ia.us If you have more questions, you can call me or Julie as well. Hope to see you there on November 15th!

To learn more, click here!

Iowa Youth Survey This Week and Next

Parents....HEADS UP! Every school in Iowa will begin running their 6th, 8th, and 11th graders through the Iowa Youth Survey sometime in the next 4 weeks. Carlisle Middle School will be doing this survey Friday, October 8th, through Tuesday, October, 12th. One group of students may miss out during this time, but they will complete the survey later in the month. At the end of the month, the counselors will work with the district to get all results sent in and verified. Finally, next July, the results will be published across the state and we can begin evaluating the data and trying to understand what it means for our district and our youth.

So, what is the Iowa Youth Survey? I have placed a link at the bottom of this blog entry, but in a nutshell the survey is an anonymous survey that nearly 100% of 6th, 8th, and 11th graders across Iowa take every 3 (now 2) years. This survey asks students basic questions like do they like their school, do they feel safe at school, and how much their community has to offer in the area of activities. But it also asks very personal questions about their drug/alcohol use, their attitudes and beliefs on drugs, risky decisions, and bullying, and even whether or not they have considered suicide. As a counselor, I am not allowed to look at their answers and their survey is done online and submitted immediately so that no one knows what they put. And as a counselor, the data we receive back about our district and how we compare to schools our size across the state is phenomenal. I have presented past data to several different groups (staff, school board, district committees, etc.) and I know our school and community, even the State of Iowa has acted on this data and made important decisions based on this data in order to make our schools and communities safer for our youth.

Please review the information that was sent home with the midterm reports and talk with your child about the importance of this survey. It is an optional survey, but we do hope for 100% of our students taking it as that gives us the most accurate picture of our youth and their current needs. Again, it is anonymous and safe for students to take and usually leads to good class discussions and later, great data for further discussion among everyone affected. If you have questions, please email/call me.

Information about Iowa Youth Survey: Click here.

Websites for 6th Graders to Test

This week, our 6th graders will be playing games in class! After talking about study strategies, my students will be my online educational game/site testers as they test and review 2 game sites in the computer lab. Here are some of the sites they are testing. I will post some of their reviews here later.

Site 1: Number Nut: http://www.numbernut.com/

Site 2: My Wonderful World: http://www.mywonderfulworld.org/games.html

Site 3:FunBrain Math: http://www.funbrain.com/

Site 4:FunBrain Reading: http://www.funbrain.com/

Site 5:Primary Games.com Science and Social Studies: http://www.primarygames.com/

Site 6:Primary Games.com LA and Math: http://www.primarygames.com/

Site 7:Arcademic Skill Builders.com Math: http://www.arcademicskillbuilders.com/

Site 8:Arcademic Skill Builders.com LA & Geography: http://www.arcademicskillbuilders.com/

Site 9: PlayKidsgames.com Vocab & Alphabet: http://www.playkidsgames.com/

Site 10: PlayKidsgames.com Math & Geography: http://www.playkidsgames.com/

Is your Child Interested in a Health Career? Great Local Opportunity for Them!

If your child is age 14-20 and they have an interest in a health career or the health and medical field, here is a great local opportunity:

"Youth who are 14 (and have completed the eighth grade) through 20 years of age have the opportunity to explore many different areas of health care through hands-on activities, lectures and field trips.

The purpose is to help young people identify the field(s) of health care that most appeal to them. To do this, we bring in experts for each meeting to expose students to fields like: surgery, obstetrics, family medicine, physical therapy, podiatric medicine, social work, psychiatry, emergency medicine, nursing, epidemiology and forensics.

In addition to learning from the experts, the Post members are able to spend time with volunteer DMU graduate students who act as mentors/facilitators. These students answer questions, share their personal experiences, give tours of the medical school, and encourage the students to fulfill their aspirations in health care.

Meetings are held on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of each month from September through April on the Des Moines University campus. Leadership opportunities abound; officers are elected and are responsible for the majority of the programming of the Post activities. Local and National Awards can also be earned. Exploring post members participate in community services activities throughout the year as a way to give back to the community."

Click here to learn more about this opportunity. Also, see Mr. Barry for more details.

The Last Lecture

Just to let you know, our 8th grade watched the very beginning of this video and the last 24 minutes or so of this video. Very inspirational with great advice. Long story short, this professor at Carnegie Mellon, Dr. Randy Pausch, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given less than 6 months to live. He gave one last lecture filled with advice on how to live your life. It hit Youtube and became one of the most watched videos in Youtube history. He then wrote a book and actually ended up living over a year with his cancer diagnosis before he passed away. His advice is a great way to start our middle school students' last year here at Carlisle Middle School. To learn more, visit this site.

To watch the video, click here: "The Last Lecture"

Two New Documentaries About Public Education Coming to a Theater Near You!

I love movies. Sadly, I have seen nearly 1,000 movies in my lifetime and even have a ranked list of my top 375 movies of all-time! I'm weird, I know. But I'm normal in the way that most people like movies and they enjoy a good movie from time to time. Lost in all the changes in theaters and movies lately (3D, high ticket prices, computer effects, computer animation, etc.) is that documentaries are getting much more entertaining and being watched by more of the public. Good documentaries about public education have been non-existent though until now. Two award-winning (what awards? Mainly the world film festivals so far) are coming out this fall. The one I am most anxious to see is called "Waiting for Superman", but I just learned of another film titled "Race to Nowhere". Both are documentaries about our public education system. Superman takes a look at the failing public education system, who is to blame, and what we can do to make it better. Race takes a look at the pressure we put on our students to get good grades and be successful while forgetting their mental health needs, their need to be a kid, and their learning along the way. I encourage you to view the trailers for these movies by clicking on their title above. But also consider having your child go with you to these films and having a good discussion about its content after the movie is done. I hope to view both when they come out and talk about their content in class as well. So....enjoy the movies this fall!

"Waiting for Superman": Opens this fall in theaters across the nation. When you visit the site, pledge to see the movie and you will be given a code where you can donate $5 to donorschoose, a site that let's you provide for schools in your area.

"Race to Nowhere": Not sure when it will be in local theaters, if at all, but I will keep checking. Might have to wait for video for this one.

Also, a good read from a famous NY Times columnist just last week. The editorial is his idea on why this movie needs to be seen!