Self-disclosure....I have 5 school-age kids now and the transition back to school has highs and lows. The highs are pretty much limited to the excitement of the first day and getting all dressed up and running on adrenaline. The lows....are pretty much everything else. Earlier to bed (I can't sleep..it's light out!), earlier getting up (what time is it? Where is the sun?), schedule changes all over, homework, sitting in a desk for 7 hours a day, earlier lunch and no mid-afternoon snack (so we won't eat lunch at 1 p.m. Dad?), evening practices, not enough time to do all the fun stuff we want to do, etc., etc., etc. Bottom-line, the two weeks it takes to adjust to this schedule is not fun for the kids or the parents. And I haven't even talked about the ramping up the skills needed to start at the next grade level. But, there are some simple things you can do to get your child ready for this change without having them freak out that you are ruining their summer (and if they do....remind them they got the first 10 weeks to do nothing, you are only using about an hour a day of their final 2-3 weeks!)
*Start slowly changing their sleeping hours. Depending on the age of your child, the times may be different, but my guess is they are going to bed later and waking up later than normal. This doesn't happen for everyone, but it does for most. For my oldest two (6th/9th grade), they are now going to bed around 10 and waking up around 8 or 9. Hmm....that won't work. I need them in bed at 9 and up at 6:30. So, in August, we try to get there by August 23rd a little at a time. Begin with the wake-up process. I'm now getting them up at 8 a.m. at the latest. Sometimes I go to "work" at 7:30 or 8, so I get them up even earlier to help with watching the little kids. Do I have to go to work? No. But, by doing so, they have to get up and get going with their day. Win-win! By August 20th or so, we hope to have everyone up and ready for the day by 7:15 or 7:30. Next, work on the bedtime. Our goal is to get kids in bed and reading by the time we would normally want them asleep on a school night in a few weeks. They don't have to be asleep, but in bed with devices off and reading with start training their brain that this is time for bed. By the first week of school, their brain will see this as normal. With all the anxiety and excitement of the first day and week of school, it will be tough to sleep anyway.
*Reading/Language Arts: If your child doesn't read daily, start this habit. It is the one habit that will not only help them in every subject in school, but study after study shows it leads to more success in life, a healthier life, and a longer life. Let your child pick the book or reading material, but don't settle for "I don't want to read", "I'm too old to read", or "No, I'm not reading." Here's a key point though....kids read more and fight you less if they see parents reading as well. So, find yourself a good book and take time each day to read. We pick a set time each day and call it "Reading time". Whole house shuts down and kids and parents read for 30 minutes. For my wife and I, it is one of our favorite times....it is QUIET and PEACEFUL! And I think it helps our stress level as well.
*Math: Elementary/Middle School age....take 5-10 minutes and do some basic math drills. If you have a device the kids like to play, put some math games on there and tell your child they have to do 10 minutes of math games if they want to play the device each day in August. There are a lot of fun math games out there. Find fun math videos on Youtube or online. Do practice problems. Take your child shopping and let them help you shop and explain how you are paying for it all. Financial literacy! Have your child pick up 10 toys and put them away. 20 toys! (Our house....20 toys each!). Anything to get your child using numbers and thinking numbers. Ten-fifteen minutes a day may not sound like much, but again, it gets the brain in number-mode which helps the transition back into math go much smoother.
*All the other stuff....science, social studies, foreign language, computers, etc. Well, your child has already committed to losing about an hour of daylight by changing sleeping habits and now another 30-60 minutes doing reading and math, so piece in the other parts where you can. Go to the State Fair and really take in all the exhibits and things to see. Visit the State Capitol Building. Go hiking or fishing. Watch some cool science or travel shows on TV. Download Duolingo to your device/child's device and brush up on their Spanish if they are 6th-12th grade (Duolingo is AWESOME!). But make learning fun. Teach your child that life-long learning is and can be fun.
*Devices. Oh....continue to use them but set limits. So much of the new research is really scary about smart phones/technology and use by teens (and all people). And please....please.....keep the technology out of the bedrooms. Studies are unanimous about that idea. Smart phones, laptops, TVs in the bedroom of a child is NOT GOOD. Did you know the blue screen of phones actually keeps us awake? Companies know that if they used a yellow/dim screen at night, it would trick our brain into producing sleep-inducing hormones and cause us to fall asleep. So they purposely chose a color that does the opposite so we use their product more!! So....keep the tech out of the bedrooms and build good sleeping habits with your children.
This may all sound like a lot, but really it is slight adjustments day by day to your child's sleep schedule and about 30-45 minutes a day of reading and some fun math stuff. You might be surprised at how it works and you may find your child has more immediate success to start the school year with their homework/grades.
Friday, August 3, 2018
How Can I Talk to My Children About Who Contacts Them Online?
With school starting back up soon, kids will finally be seeing each other every day in real life and having real face-to-face conversations! But that doesn't seem to lessen the amount of time they spend online talking to each other either. And what I have learned, is as school starts up, some kids add new social media apps and accounts and start contacting all sorts of people they hear they should add and friend. 99% or more of these people are just other kids in their school and other school and likely safe online friends to have. But, this is also a great time for predators to try to start up conversations, online chats, or put out friend requests hoping a child or teenager will add them not thinking much about it.
My office hears from students throughout the year about creepers, stalkers, people who ask for pictures or information, people who pop up in chat messages asking very inappropriate questions, etc. If it hasn't happened to your child yet, it probably will. And then you have your child's actual peers and friends who sometimes will be inappropriate, ask for pictures or information, or threaten with pictures or information they say they have or can get. How does your child process through all this? How does your child respond? Well, many times they do it on their own. They are afraid or ashamed to reach out to a parent or a trusted adult. And other times they just feel they are old enough to handle these issues on their own. But these are issues that a parent should be involved in. Here's the trick...they probably aren't going to seek you out. They worry you will take their technology or social media accounts, worried you will make it into a big deal, worried you will make it worse, or worried you will be disappointed or angry with them. So the trick is that parents need to start the conversation and be calm, rational, and supportive. And LISTEN!! (Kids tell me all the time...I just want my parents to listen....not talk, not judge, not freak out....but just LISTEN!)
If you are not sure how to have these conversations or what to ask, well, I don't have the perfect answer but I think Common Sense Media has about as close as you can get to having a perfect parent/child conversation and discussion guide. So I will let them do the rest of the "talking". Please click the link below and read how you can have these discussions with your child.
Common Sense Media How to Talk to Your Child About Online Predators
My office hears from students throughout the year about creepers, stalkers, people who ask for pictures or information, people who pop up in chat messages asking very inappropriate questions, etc. If it hasn't happened to your child yet, it probably will. And then you have your child's actual peers and friends who sometimes will be inappropriate, ask for pictures or information, or threaten with pictures or information they say they have or can get. How does your child process through all this? How does your child respond? Well, many times they do it on their own. They are afraid or ashamed to reach out to a parent or a trusted adult. And other times they just feel they are old enough to handle these issues on their own. But these are issues that a parent should be involved in. Here's the trick...they probably aren't going to seek you out. They worry you will take their technology or social media accounts, worried you will make it into a big deal, worried you will make it worse, or worried you will be disappointed or angry with them. So the trick is that parents need to start the conversation and be calm, rational, and supportive. And LISTEN!! (Kids tell me all the time...I just want my parents to listen....not talk, not judge, not freak out....but just LISTEN!)
If you are not sure how to have these conversations or what to ask, well, I don't have the perfect answer but I think Common Sense Media has about as close as you can get to having a perfect parent/child conversation and discussion guide. So I will let them do the rest of the "talking". Please click the link below and read how you can have these discussions with your child.
Common Sense Media How to Talk to Your Child About Online Predators
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